


VIRTUAL KISS.

by TheSinfulPen



Category: K-pop, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2020-11-26 12:23:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 35,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSinfulPen/pseuds/TheSinfulPen
Summary: Who would’ve thought that the great Bae Joohyun, CEO of the most powerful technology company in the world, was a dirty and naughty woman?Who would’ve thought that, with all the money in the world, Bae Joohyun still couldn’t buy happiness?Happiness had the form of a petite woman named Kang Seulgi. She was unattainable, she was untouchable, she was so close but so far. But she had her, Seulgi belonged to her in the most carnal way, the most vulnerable aspect...Only that Seulgi didn’t know of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Asianfanfics under the same name and penname. There's homophobia (or some persistent mentions as well), cheating and angst. Proceed with discretion and caution and enjoy the story!

**【 **EROS **】**

Bae Joohyun woke up at six in the morning, sharp and eerily punctual and laid completely still in her king-sized bed, feeling the coldness of the morning not yet being shun away by the sun; the sun still due to peek slowly out of the horizon to warm the morning. Her phone isn't ringing, no alarm going off, no phone calls or anything--silence was absolute. She just woke up without any disruption, by the mere wind almost, not even by pain or discomfort.

But it was a day off, on a Saturday of all days, and there was no need to wake up so early! With a soft groan, she rubbed her eyes and sat up lethargically, looking like she had the greatest time sleeping and was eager to go back to it but to no avail. Once awake, she could not turn her brain off.

What could her brain be telling her, right now, that was important enough to wake up? She went through a mental map to get things straight as she usually did and it soon arrived to a quick conclusion.

It was September eighteenth, six in the morning, a Saturday and a day off to boot. There were a few things to be done. Being the CEO of the biggest technological company didn’t mean being on top of her work all the time, considering her special conditions and given that she was advised to keep stress-free. So there was no paperwork, no meetings or anything to worry about so she put that away from her mind and focused on what must be done.

First things first, she had to call her parents to check on them since today was their marriage anniversary. It was of absolute importance, as well, given that they wanted to spend some time with their children before doing their own thing for their anniversary. Second, she had to wash her face, brush her teeth and comb her hair. Third but certainly the first thing she wanted to get done was to call Kang Seulgi.

She must have returned from Florencia already and was perhaps sleeping quietly in her comfortable bed, exhausted but content from her trip with her family, happy to have the memories and glad to be back. If Joohyun knew Seulgi well, the girl definitely had left a message--whether a voice mail or a text one.

Well, two messages in fact. She knew that much.

So, she grabbed her phone, unlocked it and could see that she had a few messages unread from her friends, family and acquaintances asking for help, but the very first one was from her best friend Seulgi.

With a soft sleepy smile, Joohyun read it in her mind.

'Unnie! :3 I’m back from Florencia! I made it safely and now I’m going to sleep, kekeke. I will call you in the afternoon to meet you, I have many great stories to tell you!'

Joohyun could read it in her voice, could even feel the warmth of her words, the way she lowered her tone to speak to the loud-noise-hater that was Bae Joohyun. But certainly this was not the only message she was waiting for, she had eagerly waited for something else. However, first things first, she needed to get things done.

After having a quick morning chat with her parents through the phone, talking plans for their anniversary and checking up on everyone, she hung up and got up to do her usual morning routine at a slow pace, not being hurried by work or a tight schedule. She liked it that way, as she sometimes spaced out by the window and just stared at nature.

The sun had finally come out and the vibrant rays lit up her kitchen in the most gorgeous way, the birds in the nearby trees chirping their tune with enthusiasm which they hoped to infect upon the lethargic pale woman who was now shuffling her feet lazily into the kitchen. Her breakfast was neatly placed over the counter already, just the way she liked it made but her servant was nowhere to be found yet. However, she did see that he had neatly arranged her medicine on the counter below the window, all orderly and not missing any of them. He was around, she reckoned, so he probably was off tending the roses and the flowers in the backyard--a duty that Joohyun would have usually done if she had not been feeling way too exhausted this past month. Maybe not exhausted, just… not there.

Another worry for later, she thought, for now she focused on having her meal at the table and enjoying it slowly.

After finishing and patting her tummy for good fortune (which was an old family habit imposed by an adorably superstitious mother), she brought her phone and replied to Seulgi agreeing to meet her and encouraging her to call sooner if possible, she was eager to meet her and that was no lie. For the time being, the only person Joohyun wanted by her side was Kang Seulgi. Sure, she wanted her family, but if there were to be room for only one person to stay with her in a claustrophobic environment, it would be Seulgi. Only then she would feel safe.

The servant finally appeared with his grizzly hair combed back, his wrinkles showing but his physique and posture worth of praise. He smiled warmly at her like a grandfather would and gently reminded Joohyun to take it easy today and that her medicine was neatly arranged in the kitchen counter as she requested. She thanked him as usual and encouraged him to have his breakfast, which he had already eaten, so he was to get ready to be off to the store.

With that, Joohyun got into her computer, loving the sound of silence (except the always welcomed bird song) and privacy. Patiently waiting for it to turn on, she wondered how her penpal responded to her email. Finally, it was on and she logged out of her regular email account. She was closer to what she was anticipating.

She typed in her alternative email, put the password in and anxiously waited for it to load. Then, there it was, a new message from Rosebud93. So, Joohyun closed her door and began to read the extensive message carefully and slowly, taking into every word and every implied gesture.

“The way your tongue tickled every inch of my skin had me squirming at your mercy, my mouth clamped shut to avoid an obscene sound to come out of me. I will not be able to stop it for long, as my body screams in its own way to your administrations. My legs were quivering, wishing for me to sit somewhere before they gave out on me in an inappropriate time, but your sinful tongue was merciless and I could feel it. The way it caressed my pussy in a way no one had done had me pulling from your red mane as I gave into your carnal desires. To think that my date was right there in the ballroom, waiting for me while you savagely tear down my prude wall, my virginity, and enjoyed my nectar… a woman like me could do no more than to enjoy it. I secretly embraced my slutness, my true self, what was part of my nature.

‘Please, slow down,’ I begged as you increase your speed and your ferocity. To think a few moments ago I was refuting to your every word on how you could make me quiver, to think I was so stubborn to dare you to even try and make me cum as quick as you could--I was foolish, but oh what a delicious foolishness of mine.

Just as I thought I could resist myself, you frantically and passionately latch your lips into my clitoris, a bold move that I had not anticipated from you, dear stranger. I was yours then, moaned your name loudly and thanking the gods in heaven that we were alone there, in the rooftop. We were not supposed to be there, we were not supposed to be together, but there you were with me, making me climax so fast that my words were incoherent save for me calling your name in ecstasy. My body begged you at that moment as it spazzed carnally.

Please, do not stop.”

As always, Seulgi never ceased to amaze Joohyun with her prose.

***

The doorbell rang and Joohyun instantly sprung away from the couch and with hurried steps approached the door. The servant had arrived long ago, so for certain this was the special woman she was eager to talk to all afternoon. So, upon opening the door there she was indeed. She was grinning so widely her eyes were nothing but smiley slits! She was so happy to see Joohyun. She hadn’t changed at all from her trip to Florencia and it’s not like Joohyun expected her to be changed. That petite body was the same, she was still that slim woman with long legs that always fooled Joohyun in photos making her think she was a lot taller despite being friends with her for years.

They embraced immediately right there in the doorway and for a long time.

Joohyun vividly remembers how they met. It was back in high school when Joohyun was a shy and stern looking girl. She didn’t have many friends and she was still a freshman. After weeks of sitting in lunchtime alone, someone sat next to her with a huge grin and willing to share an apple. That girl was Kang Seulgi, a girl who chatted so eagerly and made Joohyun feel like listening was such a fun activity. In turn, Seulgi was a great listener to when Joohyun explained things that had her so enthusiastic. Mundane things like being able to go back home and do some ironing made Joohyun happy and Seulgi was happy to hear what she loved most about ironing.

Since then they’ve become inseparable and undeniable best friends.

All the way through high school, meeting good friends along the way, making enemies together, going through college and then now in their successful adulthood they were still going strong. They told each other’s secrets, all of them--or at least most of them.

After all, Joohyun had never told Seulgi that she was her erotic penpal, nor Seulgi had admitted to have an erotic online affair… despite dating someone in her real tangible life.

This was a tricky situation, considering Seulgi was dating the one person Joohyun loathed the most in the world. Park Jimin, her high school classmate and handsome boy next door who Seulgi had a childish crush on. A crush that faded away only to become a strong reality a year after being done with college. She loved the fact that Seulgi was being unfaithful and it was surprising given her character, but she didn’t like the fact that Jimin had been far more unfaithful for a longer time than Seulgi and that she was unaware of it. Joohyun was in a biased position and a tricky moral one at that. But… she enjoyed it so much.

She was to go to hell, anyways--or at least, that’s how society has made her believe… if it was even real. What difference would it make?

“I’m so happy to see you again, I missed you!” Seulgi said softly for her to hear it, keeping the mood gentle and intimate in this beautiful afternoon.

Joohyun just clung to her and hummed in delight before they pulled away and got inside to take a seat and get comfortable in the couch. Strangely, they were sitting together and pretty close to one another, like those times in the pajama parties they made back in High school along with Sooyoung, Wendy, Yerim and tons of other friends. It felt right, it made Joohyun happy.

Seulgi asked how Joohyun was, but the pale woman knew that this bear-looking woman was eager to start telling her stories. So, Joohyun merely said that she was doing fine and healthy and Seulgi got started with her stories right away.

Florencia, by the colorful way that Seulgi seemed to explain everything, was a wonderful place to visit. She was there because of family occasions, having gone to a wedding and all, but she stayed longer to take into the beautiful foreign scenery, to take into the exquisite cuisine, to lavish in the fruits of her hard work as an artist. She put the beauty down into paintings the time she was in Florencia, spending long nights at the hotel painting. She showed the painting to Joohyun through a picture on her phone and was eager to hear her thoughts.

As truthful as always, Joohyun respectfully remarked a small detail that would make it absolutely gorgeous to everyone and praised her innate ability to take people to wherever she painted. Joohyun could feel the peace of Florencia portrayed in her painting, and to think that Seulgi wasn’t necessarily a painter, but rather did it as a hobby. She was in fact a musician, a producer mostly, responsible for many great songs that Joohyun herself loves. She was well-off, living more than comfortably and under the radar. Seulgi remarked that she would never wanted to be a celebrity, like Joohyun.

Joohyun wasn’t a celebrity, she just happened to be the CEO of a company that made it big, but she brushed that comment aside.

Either way, Seulgi shared some more of the pictures with Joohyun and eagerly showed her videos she took of the wedding. All the while, Joohyun noted how gorgeous Seulgi looked that day. Her hair straightened entirely and silky smooth, falling down her naked shoulders and a simply dress that hugged her figure smoothly and accentuated her discreet curves to perfection. But she brushed that aside. They shared laughter and good moments together.

But then, a picture jumped to Joohyun’s eyes. Jimin was there at the wedding with Seulgi. Her heart dropped a bit to her stomach remembering the cruel reality of the situation. To think that in Seulgi’s fantasies that slim body of hers succumbs to Joohyun’s confidence, her sexual energy unmatched by any lover she’s ever had. Joohyun knew exactly what Seulgi liked, what she wanted, what she desired. However, she was still infatuated and choose Jimin.

Seulgi put the phone away before she could even glance back at the photo and the good conversation continued until they both decided to go to their favorite café. With that, Joohyun excused herself to get ready.

When she dressed herself down, she noticed the reality on her pale skin. The bruise on the side of her stomach was noticeable and another one was appearing on her forearm.

With a sigh, Joohyun grabbed a long-sleeved turtle neck and walked out with her most convincing smile to see Seulgi.

***

The outing turned out to be fantastic and full of fun up until night time. When Joohyun returned she was exhausted from laughing, exhausted from smiling, from walking…

She reached her bedroom, disrobed herself, put something comfortable and logged into her private social media. It was a beautiful lazy saturday night, and it was about to get more beautiful. She was busy watching a show on Netflix by the time she remembered the time it was. It was night time, around ten in the evening, after dinner.

It was time to be the Mysterious Lady in Seulgi’s life.

She logged into her secret email account and instantly got to typing without much thought, brushing away all her stress. She recalled the details of this made up scenario both Seulgi and her invented so that their eroticism could take place.

Seulgi’s character--or, well, Rosebud--was supposed to be dating this handsome guy, this jock, and she attended a formal party event with him. Naturally, he doesn’t pay much attention to her, so she’s left alone by the snacks table, stirring the punch and lazily nomming on some things here and there out of pure boredom. Which is where Joohyun comes in--or, the name in this case, Jade--, who mischievously seduces and teases the very prude Rosebud. Jade insists that if she really wanted to she could make Rosebud come in her mouth at the snap of a finger, which is something her boyfriend would never consider. Allured by this, Rosebud follows Jade into the rooftop where they begin to consume their carnal and sinful act together. It was getting to the good part now, whereas before they had been going through the ‘courting’ period and the cat and mouse game. Certainly, their plot got longer despite discussing it straight forward.

It went from Jade dancing with another person seductively to entice Rosebud to straight up sitting next to one another and rubbing Rosebud’s pussy under the table. It had been a long night in their fantasy world, and it was about to get greater than that.

Seulgi had been a very naughty girl, very naughty. Essentially, this plot they are now writing together was almost a reflection of what Seulgi seemed to want in her life. She liked this whole cheating fantasy and it had taken Joohyun a while to understand it, but they both had signed the contract with the devil and couldn’t stop no matter how much they wished to. In an oppressive world such as the one they live in, in a country where they could not be themselves, they were only left to written words and whispered intentions. Seulgi wanted her pussy to be licked by a woman, but… it was still wrong.

So deliciously wrong.

Joohyun had stopped typing, re-reading her response and smirking proudly at her equally naughty work, having remembered all of Seulgi’s kinks and even tapping into her real life knowledge to gently prod into her 

“Your body shouted desperately to me and I instantly knew it, you had come like the dirty little girl that you truly are. My lips savored your clit and never stopped their frantic and sudden work, making sure you rode your orgasm at the very top of your world. Feel the orgasm rip through your body and feel it take over you, feel how good my mouth was to you and gave you the greatest time of your life, right there on the rooftop floor. The city around us was so unaware, the party below us still going, only the heavens to see us and judge our sinful and passionate encounter.

I finally let your clit go and instead flick it with my tongue, wishing to stimulate you until you were numb and over-sensitive, wishing you’d squirm more and more at my mercy. My little Rosebud, how easy it was for me to make you succumb. A little touch here and there and you were mine, were you so deprived of pleasure? I believe this is the case.

‘Good girl,’ I softly and huskily say. ‘I told you I could make you come, so now you belong to me.’

There had not been a deal, there hadn’t been an agreement other than the non-verbal contract we signed a moment ago. But I knew then that you would only crave my tongue, my pussy, my breast, you would only want my body to rub against yours, to feel my heat and to watch me sweat as I savagely fuck you like no one will ever do you. I will do your right, baby. You don’t have to be afraid.

Follow me, and your life will be followed with pleasure.’

Then she hit send.

***

That gratification and exhilaration could only last so long before Joohyun focused into her social media again. Seulgi had posted the pictures she showed her this afternoon and Joohyun had been the first to see them. Now, she shares them to a very handful of people and makes a whole gallery of it. She does not post the picture of her painting however, probably because she instead wants to show the finished product.

This meant that Joohyun’s criticism was still held in high regard and taking into consideration. This was the power of Bae Joohyun over Kang Seulgi, something that Park Jimin and his fake boy charm would never be able to match.

But then she was the pictures of Jimin and Seulgi in the wedding and such power disappeared.

No matter what she would always be considered as the best friend and just that. Sure, Seulgi might want a woman but there was still no telling that Seulgi considered Joohyun more than a faithful friend for about fifteen years. No matter how many times Jade fucks Rosebud in all kinds of fantasy scenarios and all kinds of ways, Seulgi would still come to Joohyun not telling her about it and will speak about her boyfriend very briefly.

Seulgi knew not to talk about Jimin with Joohyun. The main reason was that she disliked Jimin so much that she shouted at Seulgi once about it and made her cry (Joohyun still winces upon remembering it) and the other reason is unknown to Seulgi. She felt her stomach turning and the nausea kicking in. It wasn’t because of the disappointment, it was the memories and the sickness. She really hated him, she really did hate him. There was no one in the world she hated most than him.

Before she felt even worse, she closed facebook and went back to watching her things on Netflix, brushing aside the feelings, the memories… everything.

But the worst part of the night was yet to come.

***

The more the servant stared at Joohyun, the more he saw her gone face. She was not here, not thinking, she had just gotten down with to finishing her breakfast but she was so deep in thought that she looked like a mannequin that was made to replace her.

He couldn’t help but to frown sadly at the look. She’s been looking a lot like this the past few days.

Especially after the diagnosis.

Something inside Joohyun was causing more troubles though, and the servant couldn’t understand what it was instantly. It took him some time to suddenly take a seat down in front of Joohyun to grab her attention, since she was in a catatonic state of the sorts. He spoke softly and with his fatherly voice. “Joohyun?”

Instantly she looked up and raised her eyebrows in question. She was paying attention.

No words though, that was a bad sign.

Fully aware that his words could really just do worse, he was quiet for a moment and chose his words carefully. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, he cleared his throat and asked a simple question. “What has been happening?”

Unintentionally, she shows off a very unsettling smile to her servant and attempts to keep it going. “Nothing.”

Lies.

Probably because she didn’t want to worry her dear servant, but Joohyun couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She couldn’t explain anything. It was strange, considering the servant knew about her sins, about her affair, about her crush, about her past...

Everything… he knew everything. So why not tell him what she was feeling?

Not that it would dull the pain, but it would at least bring a relief. But then… what was the difference? She then confessed to her anguish.

“She said to stop messaging her.”

Then, her face died again and the servant could only keep quiet, sighing softly. After a while, he stood up and knew to fix Joohyun a warm beverage, leaving Joohyun to softly burst into tears by herself. She never wanted anyone to see her, and so when he heard the first few sobs, he let her be.

***

'Oh my dear Jade. Your correspondence has always brought so much joy and motivation to make my writing better. I have never been so attached to a roleplay before, even if I had long ago finished roleplaying all together and even if our first plot together was five years ago.

Your response was, as always, so mind blowing I couldn’t stop thinking about it for hours. But, at the same time, I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I’m afraid I must stop our correspondence, Jadelyn. I’m so sorry. Real life as it seems has taken a toll on me, and I feel like I have not been giving myself enough time to relax, to think, to understand… You’ll understand right?

Please, do not take it to heart, I absolutely adore your writing and that’s why I’ve been going strong for years with you. I wish you the best, but please do not write me for the time being. I desire to have a break.

Love, Rosebud.'

Joohyun got done re-reading the message and sighed. She rubbed her head as a headache was fast approaching and she knew that it would only worsen with tears spilling.

She could not understand it, she really couldn’t. What possibly could go wrong for Seulgi to just stop talking to her--er, Jade--like that? There was something going on and anxiety was turning Joohyun’s stomach upside down again. In her head a disastrous song with no rhythm, no pace and a lot of noises all at once started to play, it was too much. Her body ached physically with disappointment and anguish, despite planning for everything before, the CEO wasn’t ready for this heart break. But she couldn’t even properly weep or think of it as a heartbreak. But it hurt just as deeply, just as harshly.

Realistically, Joohyun was playing with fire since she knew of this.

It all started when Seulgi mentioned she started roleplaying in order to improve her writing and as well as a nice pass time. Joohyun went along and saw the site and the storylines Seulgi had created with other writers and so far, she seemed to be having fun. But Joohyun investigated and in that site a lot of erotic profiles were made and used daily. At first, she only wanted to try it, to get a taste of this strange internet world she has been turning away from. As a busy CEO, her encounters were limited… but one day, Rosebud added her character Jadelyn and the chemistry started right away.

Joohyun knew who Rosebud was right away, but Joohyun had never mentioned going into the site--in fact she even shunned the idea away after meeting Seulgi as Rosebud, claiming she was busy which Seulgi teased her for but thought nothing of. She had no idea, she really didn’t.

Then, the chemistry made itself, just like when they met, they became close friends but Joohyun had to feign being something else. She was more flirty, more outgoing online, a total contrast of her reserved self in the real world, so Seulgi couldn’t possibly suspect…

But then again, Joohyun would’ve never suspected of that woman being Seulgi, given her very sexual nature. Seulgi had a whole side of herself which Joohyun spent ten years of her life oblivious to… and it made her fall in love deeper.

What a loser, Joohyun said to herself. The CEO of a company and not able to be upfront with her feelings and put the thing to rest once and for all? Surely, it was not as easy as that, that would imply coming out and a whole bunch of nonsense… but Joohyun thought that if she could just give up the position, move out to the states with Seulgi, they’d live happily ever after in a more tolerant place and maybe start anew.

Joohyun had tasted the wealth and now no amount of money could mend her broken heart, her loss of hope and soothe the headache that grew more. No amount of money could help her right now, so what was the point?

What was the point?

And so, Joohyun started to self-destruct. She curled up in her bed, got comfortable enough and finally let the tears drift down, freely.

She wept briefly and silently, where no one would hear her, then drifted to slumber in peace.

***

It had been almost a week since the correspondence stopped and Joohyun had pushed it out of her mind as far as she could, but now her days off approached and she was dreading it somehow.

Paperwork and all this business deals were really getting to her, she was more and more exhausted these days, relying more on her staff and her secretary to deal with pestilences. Truth was that her mood wasn’t helping either. Logging online to see nothing on her email was still heartbreaking but it was a habit she had stuck on; she couldn’t even open her facebook account to see Seulgi so happily sharing pictures of funny things, landscapes she took pictures of and date pictures with her… boyfriend.

They’ve been together for so long and Joohyun only hoped to have Seulgi realize her big mistake. But then, just as she was going to call off the day, she got a phone call from none other than Seulgi.

“Unnie! Are you busy?” She said so eagerly on the phone.

Joohyun couldn’t help but to smile at this contagious energy, despite being so mentally and emotionally exhausted. “I was just getting off work, why?”

“Ah, I’m sorry. You’re free tomorrow?”

The pale CEO furrowed her eyebrows and squinted towards the small calendar on her desk. Saturday, day off. “Yeah, the morning is for me, though. You want to go somewhere?”

“Actually yeah,” Seulgi fell silent for a little bit before she spoke again. “I want to meet at the park at around four in the afternoon, is that OK?”

Joohyun looked out the window and considered something very sad at that moment before she feigned a smile and said.

“Sure, everything for you!”

Then she hung up and felt the dread coming.

***

“[My dearest Jade, I am so sorry I took so long to reply last time. I must confess that your writing has gotten me so motivated to write, I cannot wait to take some time off my busy schedule to reply to you. I hope you are enjoying yourself as much as I am! I leave this reply to you, in hopes to match up your greatness!]”

Joohyun sighed, scrolling back to her favorite out of character correspondence she got from Seulgi.

“[Lady Jade, I have to admit that you’ve been part of my dreams these days. In my most carnal dreams you creep in and surprise me, hahaha! I hope you understand now how great your writing is, I hope to achieve the greatness you pull so effortlessly, day in and out.]”

She stopped reading, because she knew that if she kept going her heart would break into more pieces.

Instead, she decided to climb off the bed and get ready to meet Seulgi up in the park. She had taken down her mirrors and covered them with blankets, except the face mirrors in her bathroom. Those were inevitable, she needed to fix her makeup and what not, but today she just walked out of the shower, looked at herself and merely brushed her teeth.

No make up, nothing.

Again, what’s the point?

She wears a new long sleeved shirt she bought to continue hiding her bruises, some jeans and sneakers. She didn’t want to look like a professional CEO, she wanted to look normal and feel normal in her attire. If she wanted to be sophisticated she would’ve invited Seulgi to dinner.

Also, her head hurt like the devil himself in panties. She was still trying to figure out what this little meeting was for. If she wanted to just talk they would have talked on the phone, or Seulgi would’ve dropped by her house just to hang out cozily at home. This must be something important or she wants to show Joohyun something. She had ignored it all week, but she still hadn’t arrived to conclusions and answers about what happened with her dropping Jade as a penpal.

Maybe… and just maybe Seulgi wanted to confess to it? Maybe Seulgi wanted to do things right, start anew with a new partner or drop Jimin.

No, that could not be it. It would make sense and Joohyun knew that life and love made no damn sense to her. Love didn’t make anyone think rationally and it turned people into complete jackasses, making them idiots out of themselves even when they know it ISN’T a good idea to go for someone; and life? Life just loved to be weird.

No use thinking of it, she would just go and figure it out herself. Ignoring the butterflies and anxiety in her stomach, she grabbed her keys, waved her servant goodbye and took off in her car.

All during the ride, she gripped the wheel so tightly the leather of it creaked incessantly. She needed to think of something else but she didn’t. She tried to concentrate on the road, but couldn’t. She had to park briefly and try to concentrate, just cease the heart ache, cease the headache, cease the anxiety. Taking deep breaths, she sighed and grabbed her phone, just to look at pictures that would relax her. Soon, she was back on her way to the park.

She arrived and Seulgi was already sitting in the bench, waving eagerly at her. Her sorrows washed away for a moment when she saw her. She smiled, naturally, like Seulgi had control over her body.

They sat down and talked briefly, sharing tales of each other’s week and all the while Seulgi seemed so uneasy, anxious as well. What was this all about?

Joohyun has had enough of not getting her answers. So she sat up straight and looked up at the beautiful sky, covered throughout with cotton-like clouds. With a sigh, she began. “Seulgi… just tell me,” she said softly, mindful of the people passing by with their children, hearing other children and kids playing somewhere off on the other side of the park. She looked at Seulgi who looked like a lost little baby looking for their mom. She looked so cute.

“H-How do you know--.”

“Seulgi, I’ve known you for fifteen years,” the pale woman laughed softly. “Your legs are shaking like crazy and you can’t stop looking around. You’re anxious for something.”

Seulgi laughed as well. She always got caught when she was with Joohyun. She was the one person in the world she couldn’t lie to. With a nod, she looked at her. “I… I don’t know how to begin.”

Joohyun sat on her side, placing her knuckles on her temple and leaning against the bench. “Take your time, I’m in no hurry.”

Seulgi nodded, licking her lips and keeping quiet for a moment.

Joohyun then just stared at her with adulation for her beauty. Her hair cascading down her shoulders and ending in natural curls, chestnut colored softness right there close to her fingertips. But she preferred not to touch her, yet. The anxiety was building bigger and bigger the more seconds the other took to finally come out with it.

She was about to barf, she could feel it, but she stood strong and waited.

“Jimin a-asked me to marry him.”

Joohyun’s face was stone cold and serious, but she felt her heart drop to her stomach--no, she felt NOTHING inside of her anymore. No movement, no heart, no nausea. She was just a vessel at the moment. She could only sigh and shake her head.

“A-and I know you don’t like him and all but--He’s so sweet and nice to me.”

Joohyun’s closed fist clenched tighter but her face showed no real emotions. Seulgi knew that this was her composing her rage, unlike anyone else. So, she lowered her voice, spoke softly and just for her.

“Will you… just give him a chance for me, please?”

“I mean. I don’t know, Seul,” Joohyun sighed in exasperation. “I don’t necessarily like him, but you’re a grown woman, it’s your choice.”

Seulgi frowned a bit, leaving the tiniest ‘Oh’ out as she looked away and forward. She could almost quiver at the thought of having Joohyun continuously staring at her.

And Joohyun knew how much power her mere gaze held, so she stopped staring and stared forward, just keeping quiet for a moment. Usually silence would never be something uncomfortable for the two of them, it would be a nice break, a nice moment… but now?

It was… strange.

There was no natural way to follow up the conversation. At least, not a way that didn’t feel uncomfortable or awkward. But Joohyun still tried, she wanted answers.

“You know what you’re getting into, right? It’s a… serious deal,” Joohyun said softly.

Seulgi nodded.

Then, Joohyun nodded. There wasn’t anything that she could say that would change her mind. She had tried to reason with Seulgi before, told her about the rumors of her then crush being an absolute idiot. Many rumors, many of them. He was a womanizer, inappropriate, annoying and for the most part of High School he didn’t pay any attention to Seulgi at all!

To boot, all the rumors of him touching other students without permission and bullying the gay kids at school wasn’t well seen on anyone’s radar. But for some reason, those rumors were never taken seriously except for a select few of the school. One of them being Joohyun, but there has never been any confirmation… so Joohyun--who was always doing things with facts and evidence--couldn’t take a stand and fully prove it.

What was the point?

An asshole got to Seulgi, hands down the cutest most amazing person in the world. Joohyun could never get her, she wasn’t at all attracted to her…

It wasn’t fair.

With a sigh, Joohyun asked. “When’s the wedding?”

***

No one had answers for her back in the doctor’s office. It had been the nth time she had asked and no one could tell her anything. The people present, her parents, her servant, the doctor could only sorrowfully tell her the news. Well, not news… she knew it, but she couldn’t figure quite what was happening.

And apparently, they couldn’t figure it out either.

She was deteriorating, that was it. No solution except medicines that would help the process slow down, but the ending was inevitable and it was written in stone. The parents started to weep, the servant could feel himself very close to tears as well, to see a lovely woman slowly lose her life was to be the worst moment of his life as a servant… but Joohyun?

Her face merely showed her weariness for a few seconds before she deeply inhaled, closed her eyes and breathed out, her face back to seriousness and normal, as if she had never been told of her reality in the first place. The doctor was surprised and a little uncomfortable at how ‘OK’ she looked at her diagnosis, but a doctor could do no more for her and he was not to tell her how to act. In a way, he felt somewhat relieved that she didn’t start to cry and weep for a miracle to happen, which was the most difficult part as a doctor. She was… just there, accepting what life threw at her.

He explained what she had to do, what was appropriate and what she should avoid doing, which was getting strong emotions like stress and anxiety and a lot of other bad things. After presenting the case down, he merely wished her good luck and to keep healthy--he would personally accept checking her any time she wished or felt the need to re-examine her process.

Joohyun looked at him with dead serious eyes before she asked, concise and clearly, almost as if she was not afraid. “When?”

The doctor sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Her parents were weeping in silence, but were utterly confused at how… at peace Joohyun sounded.

“Then, your duty is done,” Joohyun said nonchalantly, without offense intended. She stood up, shook his hand and thanked him for the service.

They all walked out and Joohyun left the hospital a new woman. A heart fragile enough to have the wind destroy it, a body unpredictable and malfunctioning, but her mind was clear and hell bent on one thing. She was going to live, live as long as possible, perhaps start anew. It was the only way. She was to find a way, she was going to be happy.

***

Joohyun wasn’t afraid of death. She was upset that it was coming so fast, but she could never be afraid of it. It is coming for everyone, some knew when and she happened to be just like any human who didn’t know, just that she was reminded of it. It was going to happen. She was going to miss life, but she was prepared for it, she had embraced it just as she had embraced failure in the past.

What she was afraid of was losing Seulgi, and that was exactly what was happening. That’s what was making her feel so ill, or at least that’s what she thought of. She had never embraced the thought of losing Seulgi in any way, losing her online lover, in a way. She was never prepared for this, no matter how cautious she was.

The moment she arrived from the park, the servant looked at her solemnly close the door and shuffle her feet to her room. When the door was locked, she was alone in her own world and there… there, she wept until her headache worsened and she fell asleep.

She hadn’t cried like that in a long time. Not even after her diagnosis.

Now, she was quietly and comfortably curled up into her king-sized bed. She had a show running on her TV while she peacefully watched it or drifted to sleep back and forth. It was the peak of the afternoon, just after lunch and it had started to drizzle at first. Now, it was truly pouring down and raining hard, soothing the tired CEO to bed again and again. She deserved to rest.

But… she didn’t rest for long, considering her servant knocked the door and hurriedly walked in to announce something… important.

“Kang Seulgi came to visit you, she said she really wants to see you.”

Joohyun frowned and tilted her head. But, she merely put on a silk robe over her pajamas to conceal her skin, tied it, put on some slippers and walked down.

The moment Seulgi saw her coming down, she was a little astonished and surprised, but she stayed in the porch, slightly wet.

“Seulgi?” Joohyun asked softly as she approached, the moment she walked through the spacious living room and was near, Seulgi bursted into tears and hurriedly engulfed the woman into the tightest hug Seulgi had ever given. At that very same moment, what she feared of also became true.

Someone told Seulgi about her condition. She found out… someone told her. That someone not being Joohyun herself.

“Unnie,” Seulgi cried out, almost as if she was a young girl again hugging her best friend after the death of her pet, after her first heartbreak, after her first life failures. But she had never held her so closely, so tightly, or in so much tears. It was almost like she couldn’t breathe from how much she was crying. She felt like she wasn’t breathing at the news, she couldn’t process it.

Joohyun was astonished, her hands just hovering over Seulgi’s body without aim or purpose. What was there to do? The servant tactfully closed the door, shutting out the heavy rain and removed himself from the scene. This was not his place to be.

Just then, Joohyun realized that while she was not afraid of death, there was someone who really was.

Seulgi.

She held her life-long best friend tightly, hugged her so tightly, afraid that she would let go now. Then, she too started to cry. She finally cried in the comfortable arms of her best friend.

Her secret lover.

Her life-long crush.

***

They were both lying down quietly, Seulgi had now calmed down and Joohyun had long ago stopped her tears. Joohyun had long disrobed her silky cover and shown Seulgi the few bruises her body suddenly had. Some had dissipated completely, but the bruise on her forearm was still there and the moment Seulgi saw it, she cried more. Joohyun only cried because of Seulgi and only did so briefly, but soon stopped. She was always the first one to stop crying, she even teased Seulgi for crying so much which pulled a laugh out of her. Why cry now? After all, she was still there.

So now, they were lying there quietly, just comforted by each other’s company. But soon the questions would start, Joohyun knew it. It had to start, because she knew Seulgi didn’t understand many things about it. Not just this disease, but why she hid it from her, why she hid it from everyone. Joohyun was okay with that. If there was anyone in the world she would allow to be questioned by it was Seulgi.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Seulgi asked softly, in complete comfort and sure that her friend wouldn’t get angry at it.

There it was. The first question, right into the coffin.

Joohyun thought about it for a moment and shrugged. “I… I just couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone, let alone you.”

Seulgi frowned a little sadly and laid on her side, looking at her. “But… why?”

There were many reasons and she figured that--again--if anyone were to know, Seulgi should.

Deeply sighing, she laid on her side as well. “I don’t like people looking at me like that sick woman… you know? If I said I was sick, people would treat me differently, ask me what I have.”

Seulgi shifted a little uncomfortably, because she too wondered what it was.

Joohyun could tell by the look on her face, which made her smile a little bit but she shook her head. “I don’t mind you asking. And I don’t know. No one knows, but it’s okay… I don’t have to know.”

“I--I’m sorry, you didn’t have to answer.”

“Seulgi,” Joohyun giggled a little. “If I told you, you should know that means I’m very comfortable and ready for you to know about it. I hid it long enough, didn’t I?”

Seulgi looked a little sad still, nodding. She scooted closer and spoke lowly. “I just… I still don’t want you to feel uncomfortable at all.”

Joohyun glanced up and down at Seulgi on instinct, scooting a little close as well, keeping the moment intimate and between them. “I am feeling very comfortable right now,” she nods.

Seulgi smiles softly. “That’s good…”

Then, there’s a few moments of silence, moments where Seulgi’s hand just instantly goes to Joohyun’s jet-black hair and softly ruffles it. The feeling of Seulgi’s nails on her scalp briefly makes Joohyun wiggle with delight. If she only knew that that was the same red mane she wished to pull and tangle her fingers in…

“That feels good,” Joohyun makes sure to comment, which makes Seulgi do it again. It’s been a while since they’ve actually been like this.

Ever since her entanglement with Jimin, Joohyun had kept her distance because of her own feelings, only to later discover Rosebud still keeping correspondence. They’ve talked, they’ve been close but not like this, not in a long time.

“Unnie,” Seulgi started, shifting comfortably into position.”I want you to live without regrets now.”

Without regrets…

That was true, she shouldn’t live with regrets anymore. That would be a waste of time and time is one of the things she has little of right now. Joohyun was about to speak but Seulgi politely cut her off with a raised finger.

“And I don’t mean eating chicken again despite your body’s disdain for it. I don’t mean putting your life on the line of danger. I… I want you to find yourself a girlfriend, maybe. G-go out and meet up with our friends again--.”

“I know,” Joohyun smiled. “I was planning on quitting my CEO job, do something nice and quiet. I’m tired of the frantic life. Maybe I’ll start the plant cabbages, tomatoes and all in my backyard,” she giggled, which in turn made Seulgi giggle. “I really want to hang out with the old crew again, too.”

Seulgi nodded. “That’s a good plan, I like it. I wanna be in on it.”

“You were going to be,” Joohyun now reached over and cupped her cheek, caressing it with her thumb. Seeing those red puffy eyes and her nose were so… unexplainable to look at. Seulgi was always so cute when she cried but Joohyun never really liked to see her cry, despite how much she wanted to comfort her with kisses and maybe subsequently with her own buddy if she were to allow it. But a hug always did the job… as a best friend, of course.

“Good. Will you tell anyone?” Seulgi leaned against her hand, humming ever so softly.

“I have to… after I quit, probably. But the getting a girlfriend part will be the hardest,” Joohyun sighed, her heart speaking way faster than her reasoning and her brain.

Seulgi frowned and tilted her head. “W-why?”

Aside from the obvious reasons?

“Who would want a girlfriend that has an expiration date?”

I would… Seulgi said in her head, looking intensely into Joohyun’s eyes. Joohyun sounds so dramatic, because everyone has an expiration date. Just that hers is coming tragically and without precise terms. But instead, her mouth said something else. “Unnie, do you mind if I stay the night here?”

Joohyun was surprised and confused, tilting her head. But then, she heard the thundering piercing her sensitive ears, making her visibly jump and squirm. Before she knew it, Seulgi had her hands on both her ears, pressing gently to avoid more noises coming in.

Despite being brainwashed by Jimin and his boy charm, Seulgi remembered how thunderstorms were tough for Joohyun to handle.

That’s why she wanted to stay.

Or at least that’s what Joohyun thought.

***

It was like she was back at her humble house back in high school, with the young Seulgi brimming with talent and oozing youthful energy. She hasn’t changed much, her talent realized and her energy more mature, well spent and structured, but still vibrant.

But most importantly, it was like they were back with the young Joohyun. She, too, hasn’t changed much, Seulgi thought. She was still petite, she was still pale (curiously, she wondered if she would be paler with her mysterious disease), she was still very well endowed with her attributes, her eyebrows were still adorably bushy, her hair had gotten back to black when she had dyed it blonde one time and her adorable giggle was still second best next to her maniacal and loud cackle. A cackle not many have gotten out of Joohyun except Seulgi.

Many people have tried to enchant Bae Joohyun in her youth, being the prettiest woman in all of town when she transferred in from Daegu. The whole thing was overwhelming for her, but with her friends she was able to make it funny and bearable. Seulgi remembers her friend fondly hugging her arm every time she walked down the hall while guys ogled at her. She felt somehow safer in Seulgi’s arm, she reckoned and Seulgi always loved to have her so near but she would never tell.

Never.

She was frightened of that idea. For some reason, but god it felt so good.

They spent the entire day together, watching movies, eventually turning off the technology and resorting to good old board games. Joohyun still had a myriad of those. They played card games, memory games and even Clue! But of course, Joohyun won most of the games and celebrated with her little adorable dance which had Seulgi’s heart fluttering.

The rain came and went and left only a humid feeling outside save for the occasional breeze still creeping up on the citizens that braved the weather. Seulgi would be one of those people often, but tonight she was having so much fun she had even forgotten her phone back in Joohyun’s room while they played in the dining table.

Now, it was down to their third game of mini-pool. They both were on the black 8-ball and it was Seulgi’s turn. Carefully and precisely she calculated her shoot and was about to go for it, when Joohyun said.

“Love you.”

WHAT?!

And Seulgi got so surprised that she misaimed her shot and completely missed the ball right there close to the hole. “Y-Yah!” She exclaimed in laughter, yanking a full on laugh from Joohyun. “Not fair!”

Sure, she was a bit ‘salty’ at the dirty trick but she couldn’t say she didn’t wonder why she said that so suddenly. Was it a trick to win? Was it… genuine?

Seulgi couldn’t figure it out and by the time she was about to ask, Joohyun had already made her move, the black ball was gone and she had won the game.

Once again, she was dancing like she always did when she won and Seulgi couldn’t help to wonder if she was making the right choice.

Dinner was made and the servant nicely announced it. Joohyun told him that they would love to eat all together for dinner and have a chat, which Seulgi was very eager for. It was a wonderful time, especially because Seulgi hadn’t talked to the servant in a lot of time, so catching up and asking about his family, his children and grandchildren, was always nice. Joohyun couldn’t help but to smile at Seulgi’s never ending enthusiasm and energy.

After dinner, Seulgi insisted that the two of them did the dishes instead of the servant and while he was about to protest, Joohyun--in a bit of a giggle fit--decided to join into this idea. To boot, she decided to make the breakfast for the next day herself.

Joohyun noticed the servant’s proud smile before he agreed because something in Joohyun had changed in that moment.

She was regaining a bit of her energy again. She hadn’t made her own breakfast in months…

***

Slumber had vanquished the two of them after a long night of silly games and watching movies. Of course, there was the occasional time where Joohyun giggled and comforted a crying Seulgi, hugging her close and patting her back. After the movie was done, they’ve both calmed down and finally fell asleep. But Seulgi woke up in the middle of the night when a thunder cracked its whip in the distance. It wasn’t loud enough to terrorize the sleeping CEO, but it could still be heard. Strangely enough, the pale woman was resting so peacefully and clung so tightly to Seulgi’s body but she didn’t stir awake or even move a little bit.

So, trying to reconcile with her dreams, she just looked at the peaceful unnie in her arms. She looked so strong and stern all the time, when sleeping she looked so gorgeous and vulnerable. Could Jade look like this?

Seulgi’s head was a turmoil of emotions and she could never reach satisfactory decisions… She felt wrong with leaving Jade behind and along with her Rosebud--her alter ego and wilder self impersonated--to pursue a relationship she’s starting to slowly reconsider. But her mature brain and common sense told her that these were passing feelings. Jadelyn made love to her and made her deepest fantasies come through but one cannot live only on sex and fantasies, besides meeting with her was impossible and perhaps would be underwhelming…

But Joohyun…

She was always on her mind, she never left her brain. But that too was impossible.

That day when she told Joohyun, she prayed very deep down inside her heart that Joohyun would tell her not to get married, to choose a better partner… but it was foolish of Seulgi to think that, because Joohyun would never do that. It was never in her character to obstruct anyone’s way of happiness and while she sometimes would not approve of certain things, she knows that it is not her place to criticize but to watch.

Still, Seulgi had no clear signs in her heart or mind… she was confused and left without answers.

She was thinking too much now, stressing her mind severely. She looked back at the sleeping bunny and relaxed for a moment before more thoughts started to come over her head, this time of a very… different nature.

What would her lips feel like?

What would she sound like?

What would she taste like?

Seulgi licked her lips and her body moved on its own.

Before she knew it, she had kissed Joohyun on her lips and felt the sparks fly as people would often explain it like. But it was more; you could never prepare yourself for it, never. Seulgi felt the chemistry, the whole energy inside her body flowing. Her instinct? To pin Joohyun down and wake her up, to kiss her passionately, insanely in love, to finally make love to her. Sure, maybe Joohyun wouldn’t do her like Jadelyn probably would, but she deeply felt something for this woman. She craved her selfishly...

Her reasoning said something completely different and it made her feel like she shouldn’t have done any of that, nor thought any of that… she was an engaged woman! She was not to fall in love with anyone, let alone with another woman.

After that, Seulgi’s eyes widened and she turned her back on Joohyun, feeling guilty and afraid. She was so confused and for the first time in a thundering night, Joohyun wasn’t the one scared.

But both of their hearts were racing.

Seulgi woke up earlier than Joohyun did, and that was strange already. She always rose up first in their pajama parties and was the lightest sleeper of the two. But still, she was still tangled up with Joohyun and her body physically couldn’t detach herself from the other. She just… couldn’t. Now the woman was all cuddled up behind her, her forehead nuzzled against her back and her arm wrapped around her waist.

Oh, how good it feels. It has never felt this good before.

Still, Seulgi makes the effort and slowly undoes the tight restraint, having Joohyun softly hum and shift in her sleep but not yet awakened. Successfully, she slips out and stands up, stretching and rubbing her face awake. After taking care of her morning breath and washing her face, she walked back to the room and found a sleepy Joohyun seated up and stretching.

She… looked so peaceful and mundane yet so perfect, like a goddess descended from the heavens to make life for Seulgi a little less dull. The way the sun was peeking out of the clouds and shining to make the room glow with the beauty often ignored by Joohyun herself. A room that looked like it was out of this world. How could she look great stretching her arms up with her hair disheveled? Her bosom looking so soft and perfectly round from her angle, her body so perfectly constructed.

She was so gorgeous.

No amount of skills and time could represent the sensation and atmosphere of this moment, no angle or preparation would make this snapshot mean as much as it means to Seulgi, no song to describe it.

She had realized then, or maybe was merely reminded, that her heart was in a big turmoil.

***

It became a bigger turmoil when Joohyun wrapped her arms around her waist. She was conscious, they both were, and the sizzling of the eggs cooking was the only sound at the moment. That and the erratic beating of her heart. Her hands had snaked around her waist so smoothly, her hand was slithering down south slowly. Slow enough for Seulgi to grab her hand and stop her…

They had gotten down to business enthusiastically! After Seulgi’s day dream, she greeted Joohyun warmly with a hug and a soft chatter and laughter that matched the beautiful song the birds were performing right out the window of Joohyun’s room, as if willing to give a concert to the tired and sick CEO.

Both were so glued to the bed that when the clock hit seven in the morning, they remembered that they had arranged to make breakfast instead. Joohyun energetically led the way to the kitchen and, like the natural born leader that she is, she laid out the plan neatly and they started to work together.

It had been a blast, the two of them started quietly singing songs together, ballads and tunes that their childhood selves never forgot about and never ceased to sing back in school. Surely, they kept the tone low for the resting old soul that was the servant.

But soon, their hushed singing turned into soft chatter and soon enough Joohyun was done with her part of the breakfast, watching Seulgi putting the last egg into the pan and hearing that satisfactory sizzle. Then, all of the sudden, Joohyun was behind her and she had whispered something that Seulgi couldn’t catch out of shock.

Just like that, Joohyun had her wrapped around her fingertips with her buttery smooth advances. Joohyun’s lips were pressed against her shoulder, a soft hum muffled before she pressed her chin against it.

Seulgi could stop her at any moment.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t stop her, the only thing stopping was the world around her, her breathing and her brain. She just enjoyed the sensuous flow of the dainty hand traveling down to the hem of her borrowed pajama sweat pant. The fingertip teased it and gently pulled it and…

Oh my…

It gently caressed the hem of her panties now, Joohyun breathing lustfully into her ear. She too felt as excited, Seulgi wasn’t the only one in need here. Her pussy was already throbbing but then it stopped.

Joohyun pulled away completely and grabbed the pan that Seulgi had long forgotten about, the slightly over-cooked egg now taken away from the flame. Just like that, it was gone.

Before anyone could say anything, the phone rang and Joohyun had to answer naturally. This time, she was all business, settling scores and soon realizing that she was supposed to be there at work in an hour or two. Meanwhile, the servant had arrived and just then they both decided in a silent contract not to talk about what happened just then.

Then, both were forced to act like that hadn’t happened while they ate their breakfast, but the exchange in gazes was intense albeit brief. Joohyun could tell Seulgi was a bit surprised, and Seulgi could tell that Joohyun had no regrets about it.

She did say for the woman to live without regrets.

It wasn’t until hours later that it had dawned on Seulgi that, all that while, she had forgotten about Jimin and about Jadelyn.

***

She kissed her, plain and simple. Joohyun was half-awake when that happened and her eyes were slightly open to know it. Open enough to see Seulgi going for it and see her turn her back on her later.

Still, she doesn’t know where she mustered all the courage and boldness to suddenly just… do that.

Seulgi was right… live without regrets. It’s the last thing she could do, she had to live after all.

Luckily enough, they both had acted like they had never done anything bad in the first place. Well, it wasn’t bad, just not appropriate for the time being. Explaining things to the servant would be difficult otherwise, especially with such details.

Sure, she told the old man about her relationship with Seulgi as Rosebud and herself as Jadelyn, but not to a great detailed extent. She just told him that she had an affair with her and Seulgi didn’t know it, an affair with graphic and adult things. And so, the servant understood without a need to be too explicit. Why tell him? He wasn’t a bad secret keeper and was really good at listening to her, only interjecting to ask tactful questions.

But she wasn’t going to tell the servant this. She knew it would be crossing the line, this intimate detail of their encounter would remain hidden, point blank period. One thing was to write fictional scenarios with one another, none of it was real or meant to be a committed relationship, but this was another matter entirely.

The CEO was stuck in her office in her thinking time and was surprised to find herself thinking about it again and again. She could feel her fingertips burning and aching to touch Seulgi’s delicate and virgin skin once again. She craved it so badly, she desired to taste…

“Ms. Bae?” The blonde secretary shyly asked while popping her head in, surprising the pale woman sitting by the window. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Joohyun laughed softly and shook her head. “It’s alright, what is it?”

The secretary walked in and quickly handed over a black envelope. Joohyun’s intuition told her this was something that had to do with Kang Seulgi herself, but she asked anyways. “What’s this?”

“It’s an invitation to Kang Seulgi’s Bachelorette party, she wanted to invite you personally, but she’s gotten busy with a new record,” the secretary said in a matter of factly voice. She was always like that, that Jennie. “You were in a meeting so she didn’t want to disturb but couldn’t wait. She also took the time to give me my invitation personally,” Jennie smiled, having been fond of Seulgi as a dear friend as well.

Joohyun nodded rapidly and examined the envelope without opening. Ever since that pajama party a week ago, she hasn’t seen Seulgi except in pictures and she’s seldom spoken to her. Correspondence with her Rosebud self had, certainly, stopped. Curse that meeting, she really wanted to see that angelic chubby face again, hear that angelical giggle… Timing was, sometimes, a terrible factor in life.

“She sends her regards, too,” Jennie said, tapping her own envelope. “She also recommends you to make a lot of time to be in the party, she really wants you around--oh, she says to not be too formal, but not too casual.”

Joohyun laughed and nodded. Seulgi did get specific with her indications to the secretary at times, it has happened before. Jennie herself has gotten too much into the details that she forgets other things she has to do. She has to be precise after all, when it comes to Kang Seulgi she knows that her boss is particular and quite fond of knowing everything.

It hasn’t changed in all those years.

“Thank you, Jennie,” Joohyun said. Opening the envelope and seeing the reality presented before her. A bachelorette party only meant one thing.

The wedding was a go.

Joohyun already knew it, but the feeling still hurt her heart.

Jennie was about to excuse herself before Joohyun tutted with her tongue, getting her attention. “Yes?” Jennie said ever so sophistically.

Joohyun didn’t want to say it, really. But she had to. Her plan was a go.

“I want you to arrange a meeting, something private and under the table, with the chairmen and my fellow colleagues,” Joohyun said in a firm and fearless tone, glancing at Jennie’s whose face looked a little confused. “I want them all there, it involves a matter of importance.”

It was understood that these were orders, Jennie musn’t question them… but she couldn’t help herself from hugging her envelope close to her body and making a soft question--feeling confident in their relationship beyond boss and employee. “Is there something wrong?”

It wasn’t a question of business. Jennie could intuit something was changing in Joohyun and that something worried her, especially because Seulgi asked her how Joohyun was holding up.

Holding up.

Like she was sick.

The pale CEO caught on right away. She smiled sweetly, not at all upset at the question. She wasn’t scared, Jennie shouldn’t be either.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

She had sounded so sincere then that Jennie couldn’t say anything. She nodded and walked back to her desk to perform the task she was given.

When they asked why, she could not answer them but said it was of urgent business. All of them had agreed to meet without more discussion. If Joohyun said it was important, then it was of utmost importance.

***

The Bachelorette party was a month from then. A month away. Four weeks. Thirty days. A lot of hours. Way too many minutes.

She put the minutes and the hours to good use, however. She picked the outfit she would wear five times and finally settled for the first option; she had made a schedule of small exercises that she stuck to and even gave herself a treat or two across the entire month of preparation. Well, perhaps ten or so, across the month. You can’t blame a girl who needs some sort of comfort and consolation!

The conference with the chairmen had been done efficiently and quickly, as they know Joohyun is not a woman that they wish to waste time of. The conversation was rather shocking but everyone got to work right away and prepare for what was to come in the coming times. Joohyun started taking less and less time on work and more and more time to focus on herself, her enjoyment and her plans. The servant certainly noticed this change in behavior but opted not to comment on it and let the woman do her thing as she saw fit. After all, she was taking her medicine and supplements on time and without fail every day and there was not any need to scold her or remind her of anything.

She had stopped checking her Jade mail and subsequently ignored all other request from other people to write with her. She was focused on her own thing and if she wished to do nothing, she would do just that.

Nothing.

The night before the bachelorette party, though, out of pure curiosity she checked her Jadelyn email and found an unread message.

From Rosebud93.

“I want to make my last fantasy come true, Jadelyn.”

Then, she went on to explain that she was getting married. Her Bachelorette party was going to be held in a place rented and it had a rooftop. Rosebud wanted to live her scenario in real life before being bound to a man for the rest of her life. She was to embrace her sexuality finally.

Instead of bracing herself for doom now, Joohyun was prepared for something else.

Something more exciting, something that may lead into something.

She typed and replied right away.

“I’ll meet you at the rooftop.”

***

She hadn’t thought about it at the moment, but Seulgi wasn’t exactly that bold. She could get bold, but she couldn’t get THAT bold. This was rather sudden, a little too specific. There had to be something, she had to know something. Joohyun had returned from shopping some candies and other items and sat in her home office, looking out the window as she pondered further. Seulgi must suspect of something, because she never mentioned sending an invitation anywhere, but it could be an oversight from the silly bear. It could also mean that she intended having Joohyun--or, well, whoever she thought Jadelyn was--to break into the party and reach the rooftop. Either way, the deal was done, and she was anticipating it.

Anticipating it a bit too much, that by the time she caught wind of herself, she found her hand clenching onto the edge of her desk as if there had been some sort of earthquake making her body tremble.

This made her re-consider her dress choice, going for something audacious and perhaps a bit risky. She wanted to accentuate her attire, at least make the strippers look at her a little more if Seulgi somehow decides to give her an ultimatum and not proceed with it.

She couldn’t help but to chuckle at this idea, but she could not deny this excitement building up inside of her, making an appearance again like the times she waited for Seulgi--er, Rosebud--to respond to her email but this anticipation and anxiety were much bigger. It was like being invited to a party where your crush has been invited and everyone is in a plot to get you two together, or it was like waiting for prom--although Joohyun missed prom due to health issues. Curious, because even if she didn’t go to prom, she had the best time ever. Though memories per se were not very fond--and she didn’t really felt good at the moment--, she remembers vividly how she fell in love with Seulgi.

It was a developing crush and that was the turning point for her.

Seulgi had skipped the prom party, still wearing her adorable and elegant dress to visit Joohyun at the hospital. That same night her parents planned to go out and spend some time alone. Seulgi insisted to the couple to go and have fun now that Joohyun was stabilized and well on her way to health. They left and Seulgi stood by her side and made conversation, took care of anything even though Joohyun didn’t need anything. Soon, dinner came by and Seulgi made it her business to feed Joohyun even though her hands weren’t damaged.

It made Joohyun’s heart flutter--No. It made her heart relax. Her stomach felt good at her presence, her body could physically rest now. There was no stress, this was a strange kind of love that Joohyun hadn’t realized. Up until this moment, of course, as she ponders about her past. Maybe she did feel the tremulous excitement at one point, but it had been so long that she feels the soothing sensation of having Seulgi around. Sure, her stomach jumped here and there, but she was at peace.

Then, her alarm started. Punctual as a clock, she stood up and went to her room, getting ready for the party.

She showered, brushed her teeth, made sure everything was as pristine as possible. She was nervous and it was evident by the shaky breath as she brushed her hair and styled it up in different ways, only to decide to have her hair down, flowing in straight, silky, black tresses. Her snow white skin was fresh and clean, her dress hugging her figure and her enchanting attributes jumping right on sight. Despite outward appearance, her palms were a bit sweaty, she was itching to get this through with and couldn’t stay still for long--or at all.

But luckily enough, Jennie arrived and they were on their merry way. Jennie had her blonde hair done up, wearing a vibrant red dress, in contrast to the black and pale Joohyun. Black on black with more black was always her choice. Jennie playfully called her boss a goth every now and then.

The ride to the party was fun. Blasting some good relaxing music (Jennie was fond of jazz thanks to Joohyun who insisted on at least trying it and turns out, they both really dig it), talking and joking around.

“So, are you ready to get yourself some serious stripper action?” Jennie teased, flipping her hair back as she kept her eyes on the road.

Joohyun can’t help but to laugh that big cackle of hers. “You know, they’ll probably be nervous at servicing the CEO of ATLAS.”

“I mean, these people don’t feel nervous about anything, I doubt it,” Jennie mused, shrugging a shoulder with a big grin.

“I’m just there to be with my best friend for fifteen years, to boot I’ll meet some of her new friends and I’ll see the old friends, too!” Joohyun said right away, sounding sincere. “I’ve never been that fond of strippers, you know.”

That was true, but that was because the strippers she had seen were all male. Maybe a female stripper would change the situation and her way of thinking of strippers. Seulgi as a stripper though, there’s a thought.

“I know, I know. You know I love to tease you, but you better stop moving your legs.”

Joohyun was confused but then she glanced down at her legs, noticing the jittering of them. She stopped.

She really was nervous. And Bae Joohyun was never nervous.

***

Joohyun was a shy woman outside of work, truth be told. But with Jennie, Jisoo, Sooyoung and Wendy by her side, she felt in good company. Having a drink or two first was essential to calm her nerves. She wasn’t one to prefer alcohol but a weak drink--despite being a lightweight--did calm her a little. Later on, Sooyoung (always the boldest one of the bunch) decided to try and socialize with the group of Seulgi’s new friends. All of the ladies had drinks in their hands, were all in their own little bubble and looked at the other friends--who the four knew well--with a bit of disdain.

These were divas, perhaps wealthy by luck, others wealthy by marriage, but all of them bitter and a bit sad. Maybe Seulgi was the only person that could get to their cold hearts, make them smile a little, or maybe they were onto Seulgi for many different reasons. Maybe they just wished to be friends with her to be closer to Jimin.

In that moment, Joohyun wondered how many of them had gone through Jimin. She spotted a woman with blonde ombre and red lipsticks, towering over her friends. Friends who were wearing heels higher than hers and yet they didn’t quite match her height. What a giant, Joohyun thought. Her smile was friendly, perhaps the one friendly person there. However, she knew this woman because one time she saw her come out of Seulgi’s house, when Seulgi was in the hospital to visit her grandmother. She remembers how the woman’s hair looked disheveled, the lipstick she wore back then all distributed across her face, an indicator of her sin. She looked so giddy, as if she hadn’t been caught, until she saw a glimpse of Joohyun in the distance, standing in her stoic way. Her smile dissipated then.

Joohyun was by no means a saint, but she knew that she was honest--more honest than Seulgi’s so called friends.

To boot, they were… unpleasant. While Jisoo was weird, she was absolutely endearing, but they thought of her as a sideshow freak. Wendy’s smile was bright and vibrant, but when someone mentioned that her thighs were looking a bit too big, her smile slightly faded. When the chipmunk turned to grab something to drink, Joohyun discovered it was just to get away from them, visible from her disgusted frown and the roll of her eyes.

After that, they just moved away from this group of poisonous bitches and talked to old friends and people who seemed vaguely familiar. Finally refueling her social tank up with good laughs, Joohyun started to look around.

The guests were arriving and somehow Seulgi was nowhere to be seen.

With that, she knew it was time.

She excused herself, placed her drink down and walked towards the bathrooms. Luckily, it was down a long hallway. No one saw her walk past the ladies bathroom.

Her heels were clicking a bit too loud for her liking, but she was too anxious to sit back and take them off. Seulgi had probably been waiting for a long time and she did not want to make her wait any longer. She picks up the pace and in the blink of an eye she’s in the fire escape stairs. Her heels hitting the metal surely alerts Seulgi of her presence.

Was she feeling the same goosebumps at the windy breeze right now? Was she also nervous?

Joohyun made it at the top, seeing Seulgi leaning against the railings at the end of the long rooftop. She wasn’t turning around, she couldn’t bring herself to do it despite how excited she is.

Taking a deep breath, Joohyun starts to walks towards her, anticipating the moment she turns around but she doesn’t. The distance is long, it closes slowly and all the memories of their encounter together pass by her brain in rapid succession. She gulps silently, her hands clench tightly; she gets closer and closer.

In another blink of an eye she finds herself really near but Seulgi still doesn’t turn around. Her chestnut hair straightened and blowing gracefully in the wind like when Seulgi danced back in her youth.

Joohyun decides to get next to her, noticing her holding onto the concrete railing tightly. She was nervous, too.

By placing her thin, small and pale hand on Seulgi’s artistic hands, she hopes to calm her down and to let her know that it was alright to turn around now. It was a gesture of love. Seulgi grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly, a shaky breath coming out of her lips as she turns and finally sees Joohyun.

Joohyun smiles ever so softly and Seulgi’s mouth is a bit agape, but she’s not as surprised as the pale woman thought she would be. Both have no words to speak. They look at each other for a long time, for a real long time, communicating between themselves in a way words cannot express--not even the greatest wizard of words or the alchemist of poetry could explain their communication. It was simply too intimate, just between the two of them almost like a foreign language for anyone to understand. But they both understood what they both desired at the moment.

Despite looking confused, intimidated and a bit afraid, Seulgi was the one to make the first move, launching herself against Joohyun and meeting her plump and soft lips like last time, but this time both were conscious and both were aware of what they were yearning for.

Without thought, without anything to stop them, both of their arms wrapped around each other tightly as their simple kiss smoothly transitioned into a more intimate one, soon their tongues caressing one another in a way neither of them would imagine feeling. The feeling of each other’s wet muscle brushing on one another mischievously and playfully already had both of their hearts racing, their pussies throbbing and their palms itching to take the dress away, to unclasp the lace and formal bras, to strip away the worries and the reality. To get rid of the world, for just one second…

At that moment, they both had ceased to think, drunk in lust and desire. They fondled each other, felt their skin and fumbled with their dresses’ zips. Joohyun was the only one to manage unzipping a bit of Seulgi’s dress, having the zip on her side rather than behind her.

Then, Seulgi gasped away from the kiss and Joohyun’s lips occupied themselves somewhere else. The soft cherry red pairs trail tender kisses down her cheek to her neck, her hands caressing Seulgi’s bare shoulders and arms. The helpless submissive woman succumbed to this magnificent sensation, leaning against the concrete and gripping the edge as she closed her eyes and felt what passion was meant to be. It was an unexplained sensation, a ravishing experience only to be put to words if someone dared to do its best to express it concisely--only to fall short.

Without knowing, they were both slipping into their sinful persona, naughty girls that cared for nothing but their pleasure at the moment. But most importantly, Seulgi’s body--in real life now, feeling the real warmth of a woman and her lips--was shouting for Joohyun and begged her to continue.

Seulgi belonged to Joohyun now.

Those kisses turned into mischievous licks as Joohyun finally let her desires run wild, her most animal instincts freed from a tight and controlled composure she was perhaps forced to have all her life. A taciturn woman now freed from the shackles that bound her. She loved women, their bodies, their smiles, their skin, their dainty, fragile looks but strong character… she was, most importantly, in love with Seulgi’s frail appearance but hidden strength, her laugh, the way her voice sounded when she gasped in surprise or the way she spoke in soft husky tones in intimate moments between the two of them.

She was in love and now had the chance to act and indulge in her fantasies now made real. Writing it was, naturally, satisfying. Living and breathing into Seulgi’s scent in her real life now was exhilarating.

Almost… intoxicating.

In no time Joohyun had slipped Seulgi’s dress down a little to reveal her supple breast, groping it greedily, having waited for years to feel those soft mounds on her palm. They both moaned at the mere sensation and Seulgi’s eyes encouraged Joohyun to gaily kiss all over and the woman complied right away.

She loved to feel the difference between her soon-to-be-husband’s touch and her best friend’s touch. Jimin was brusque, lacking in the sweetness and ardor. Joohyun was, infinitely, much more appealing; she was slow, firm but in an odd way gentle. They were hell and heaven made flesh, and good god… heaven felt so good as it suckled her skin, leaving small purple marks like the rascal she was.

Joohyun slid her lover’s bra down and latched her lips hungrily to her teat, her pussy throbbing to the rhythm of each of her suckles, Seulgi’s moans accompanying the sweet, sweet symphony. The symphony of cheating.

Oh, how wrong it was.

Seulgi tangled her fingers on Joohyun’s hair and gently pulled her mouth away from her sensitive nubs to speak between pants. “I need you to eat me now.”

Joohyun smirked and wordlessly nodded.

They both decided to get as comfortable as possible on the floor, and Joohyun wasted no time to trail her tongue across Seulgi’s recently shaved legs. They were butter smooth, smelled like vanilla and made the bachelorette squirm and wiggle with glee. Hiking her dress up a little more, Joohyun could now appreciate the bold choice of Seulgi’s underwear. A thong. Somehow, Joohyun expected no less from her.

Amused, she traces a wicked finger across her covered flesh to watch her prey squirm a little, her pussy itching to welcome anything. “How cute, you dressed up for me even?” Joohyun spoke softly in her most seductive and playful tone.

Seulgi gulped and nodded right away. “I really wanted to show my gratitude.”

“Show me by telling me how good I fuck you,” Joohyun said instantly, almost not thinking to say anything. Her mind and body were one at the moment and they longed for Seulgi.

Boldly, Joohyun dives in and presses her tongue roughly against Seulgi’s clothed pussy. With a clean and quick lick, she yanks a loud moan out of Seulgi who makes no attempt to shut them off. She then gives her another… and another. And another. Proceeding briefly to suck her hot flesh through the fabric before letting go and teasing all over again with her licks.

Seulgi’s body squirmed, her back arched again and again, her hips bucked uncontrollably and her feet (having kicked the heels long before this torture session took place) were curling in a beautiful way. Her body showed no signs of shyness or embarrassment, fearlessly showing the good time she was feeling.

It was slowly becoming unbearable to withstand this pleasure, feeling herself soaked beyond reason. Her desperate tapping of Joohyun’s head only gave the woman an idea on what she wanted, but being the little evil tease she was, she pulled away and rubbed her entire pussy with her palm really slowly. She firmly spoke. “What?”

“Unnie… please, just do it. Please.”

Joohyun was pleased already, but she greedily wanted more. “I don’t think I know what you mean, Seulgi-ah? What do you mean? What do you want Unnie to do?”

“Please!” Seulgi whined out a little louder, bucking her hips more. “Eat me, please. I want you to make me come with your mouth.”

Finally, Joohyun complied by ushering her thong away. There it was, her glistening wet pussy for Joohyun to admire. She was the first to see it, the one to do the honor of showing Seulgi pleasure so out of this world she could become addicted. Yes, she was the first one to grace it with her fingertips, her tongue. If she had more time in her hands, she would give it to Seulgi again and again with every possible technique, every possible thing.

Her brain acted on its own and her tongue instantly gave the virgin girl the first lick she’s ever felt in her pussy. Seulgi, of course, gasps at how intense it feels. Her hands grasp for anything to hold onto but no luck. Instead, she savagely held onto Joohyun’s carefully brushed hair and combed but immediately let go when she realized it was probably a bad idea.

Joohyun’s comforting hands caressed her body and her tummy, as if to tell her that it was alright for her hands to go anywhere. Seulgi, being so absorbed into her world, didn’t understood at first. It wasn’t until she glanced down at Joohyun, and looked into her lovely eyes again that she understand the encouragement. Either way, she lavished and enjoyed every Seulgi in every mundane sense: in tact, taste, hearing and sight. Seulgi felt so soft and clean, carefully crafted by the gods, she tasted sweet and virginal onto her tongue, her voice was melodious and ethereal and the sight was so exquisite to her humble eyes.

Without realizing, Joohyun had gone on a combination of many administrations but none of them rehearsed or thought of before. Joohyun had meticulously planned each movement right, fantasizing of this moment, but now her tongue caressed Seulgi’s every inch with gusto. As if intricately drawing a detailed sketch of her pussy, tracing around every fold with deft of an inspired artist. She, of course, left the goodies for the very end, deliberately ignoring that hungry clit of Seulgi’s.

She knows that is her explosive spot, that would make her come quicker than a blink. She wondered if Jimin knew… but then again, he might confuse Seulgi’s own quirks with one of this favorite lovers.

Joohyun pushed the intruder out of his mind as she squeezed Seulgi’s flesh into her hands, savoring the nectar. Perhaps, this is fair revenge. Joohyun gave Seulgi another rough lick and cut short before her clit but not as a tease.

They both froze for a second. Seulgi tensed up so much, she was suddenly not at all focused. There were voices coming from somewhere down the fire exits. Loud voices at that. Seulgi and Joohyun exchanged glances briefly and while Joohyun was calm, Seulgi looked a bit panicked. She was about to move her head away before Joohyun finally used her deadly weapon.

“Oh fuck!” Seulgi gasped loudly, then resorting to bite her fist as the chatter at the staircase continued. It was intense pleasure that shot across her entire body in tentacles of warmth and tickles. She was about to ask Joohyun to stop so they could dress up…

But she didn’t. There was something about this daredevil trait, this thrill, that had her pussy ten times more tender and sensitive. Something about this escapade being forbidden was arousing, never ending. Joohyun’s tongue so expertly tickled and caressed that small nub full of sensitivity, she pampered it with tact and love. Truthfully, it was absolutely fun, playing around with such a small little thing and having the girl with her squirming out of pleasure. She’s not gotten to the best part yet.

“J-Joohyun, I can’t keep quiet, s-slow down, please.”

Joohyun did not pay attention. She flicked faster for a brief moment and had Seulgi whining so desperately to keep herself. The conversation below turned into three people talking about god knows what, but Seulgi had long stopped caring. She couldn’t care with the way Joohyun was abusing of her clit with so much ruthlessness.

To the point it got a bit too intense, she tapped Joohyun’s head and looked at her with helpless eyes. Joohyun understood and stopped, pulling away for a second and kissing every inch of her pussy as Seulgi unwinded. To further relax her, her hands clung to her modest breast and massaged them, earning a soft approving moan and a gasp from her lover. Now, the pale businesswoman nuzzled her lips so tenderly against her clit, listening and looking up. Met with approval, she smiled and spoke softly. “You good there now?”

Seulgi nodded, putting a finger to her lips to coax her to keep it down.

And of course, Joohyun looked at her with a defiant smirk and go right down to business, but this time she slowly traced the roundness of Seulgi’s entrance with her fingertips, getting the girl squirming again. Then, with a tactful slowness, she inserted a finger in and had Seulgi in complete shambles in no time.

Once she found the perfect spot, she caressed it slowly and agonizingly, looking at Seulgi’s toes curling. Then, she went faster… and faster. She was ramming her finger in and out of Seulgi at once point and merely enjoyed the look of her biting into her fist, her eyes rolling back at the pleasure and the savage moans that escaped her mouth; her back arching in such a beautiful way, artistic almost. Joohyun abused of her spot like no one in her life (not even herself) has done. To put the cherry on top of it, Joohyun leaned down and gave her clit the most slow and rough open mouthed kiss she could muster; her tongue giving it a rough lick and her lips trapping the nub in right after. Then, a rough suckle, sucking the clit in with greed.

Seulgi was seeing the stars, quite literally. The sky had very few of them but she swears she saw them in the brief moment her eyes opened before they closed shut. She saw them all that night.

She had no way of announcing her incoming orgasm, but she didn’t have to. Joohyun knew and thus kept her incessant, merciless pace until finally Seulgi came with a big moan, a cry out for Joohyun with her full name.

“B-Bae Joohyun!”

Her body arched and tensed with the unmistakable presence of a mindblowing orgasm. Her hands clung to anything they could get a hold on--Joohyun’s other hand being part of it briefly--, her toes curled so much they could almost be sore. It was intense and long, nothing like Seulgi has ever experienced before, not even while masturbating at Jadelyn’s every response, every fresh paint of eroticism and lust. And so, Seulgi’s body slumped, her juices now all spread on Joohyun’s sole finger. Seulgi had no doubts about it then. Joohyun was Jadelyn.

***

Beneath them the party was roaring and people were barely paying attention to the absence of the two best friends as gossip was hot. When Wendy finally snapped at one of Seulgi’s friend and decided to make a witty remark in turn, things became a little more interesting amongst the guests who watched and those who participated in the conversation prior. After that, the woman turned to her friends and started to dramatically ‘spill the tea’ as if it really mattered. Wendy said literally one thing, it was a bit too much drama for one thing. Seulgi’s old friends shrugged and moved away from the drama.

Soon enough, for both old and new friends, the conversation turned into the party itself. They wondered what’s going to be happening and eventually they got to talking about the strippers hired to come.

The rumors of one of the strippers being gay was also a thing, the girls were interested to see if that was true and to see who it was. A handsome young man with the name of Taewon, muscular and bulky, long hair and dreamy eyes. They wanted to know if they could get him for the night. Everyone had their kinks and it seems that Seulgi’s new friends had the same one: to turn a gay man straight for a night--have the idea of being so irresistible that even a gay man would turn straight for them. Or maybe it was the sole idea of him being a stripper.

Either way, the common thought was that gay men apparently had better hip movements than straight men. Seulgi always made no comment about that, keeping quiet and just smiling here and there. However, while the party roared, there is a little something happening in the rooftop, and in the staircase...

The people chatting at the staircase were merely two staffs from a group of helpers and workers handpicked by Seulgi herself. One of them was adamant to go to the rooftop for some private time, to take fresh air, until his friend caught him and reminded him that no one should go to the rooftop, Seulgi’s explicit orders. None of them knew why those orders, but they were also commanded not to go to the basement of the venue or to talk to the alcoholic bum that always strolls around the block and tries to talk to the guards of the club. Somehow, that bum always manages to keep a steady conversation and magically appears at eight. So, for that, they thought there was a good reason for them to be forbidden.

Either way, back on topic. It turns out, the stripper IS gay.

The two staffs were talking and talking without a care in the world, not realizing the fatal encounter up on the roof top. Then the stripper arrived and the conversation came to a complete halt out of both embarrassment and shock. The stripper was flustered. So that’s why the staff was so so adamant in going up there! He was going to have a secret rendezvous with his lover. The three of them discussed the matter and the two lovers were persistent. Finally, Taewon and his lover walked past the staff and the staff threw his hands up in the air in defeat and returned back inside. If they were to get caught by Seulgi or get fired that was no longer his business.

When the two lovers were going up, they heard the unmistakable sound of Seulgi moaning in pure, blind ecstasy. Peaking into the scene, they both just retreated hastily but as stealthily as possible. They had seen too much perhaps, and a lot of things were starting to make sense.

Both of them swore not to speak about it and retreated back to the party with their lips sealed as they encountered a very chatty Jisoo and a more accomplished Wendy.

Back in the rooftop, the two girls had gotten back into their attires properly and sat next to one another looking at the stars, leaning against the concrete. Seulgi cuddled by Joohyun’s side, her breathing shallow and with a pant while Joohyun was significantly more relaxed an in control of her limbs. Seulgi twitched and she giggled softly. “Too intense?”

Seulgi shook her head with a soft giggle as well, sighing happily. “Yeah, but… it was awesome.”

Joohyun giggled and pet Seulgi’s hair, just the way the girl liked it after an orgasm. The fact that Joohyun remembers this minor detail makes Seulgi’s heart flutter with madness akin to one of a young lover after its first time. So full of vigor and emotions. Seulgi was an intricate and complex girl with a lot of layers, and she liked specific things sometimes. For example, she could not stand to use her bathroom right after she took a shower. She also loathed having her bananas at room temperature but she also disliked having them too cold. So, the fact that with Joohyun those little details still mean something? It makes her feel good...

But these emotions were conflictive.

Would her husband-to-be treat her like this? She wouldn’t know until it was too late. But what if this is just a fever dream of the sorts? A spur of the moment thing that would decline with the passage of time, washing down an old friendship down the drain? Maybe, and just maybe, her husband would treat her like this? But is being treated like this part of the package.

Because Seulgi has her reservations of Joohyun.

Right when Seulgi was starting to ask herself a lot of questions, Joohyun chimed in with one of her own.

“How?”

Seulgi looked up at her and then frowned. Ah, what gives? What was the use of lying? Lying to Bae Joohyun was like lying in a Lie Detector Test. If you didn’t know how to fool her, you probably wouldn’t be able to. And Seulgi was one that--despite being friends for years--could not fool Joohyun.

“I figured it out,” still she pressed on, still looking at her.

Joohyun squinted and hummed in disbelief before she chuckled softly. “I don’t think so.”

And of course, Seulgi had to laugh and straighten up. “You’re right. I--I got a letter. I knew it then, it clicked on me after I read it.”

Now Joohyun squinted again at the idea. A letter? Who even wrote letters nowadays? The idea soon came to her head and it made her half smile a bit in amusement. She knew exactly who, and it was not even a surprise as much as it was interesting. “Did the fella with the letter have a name?”

Seulgi hummed, genuinely confused before she shook her head. “No, not really.”

The servant really thought he could be sneaky, huh?

“And you’re saying that a person wrote you a letter to tell you who Jadelyn was, and you’re not a bit frightened?” Joohyun presses on, but the mischievous smirk to her face really just lets Seulgi know right away she’s messing around.

Seulgi knew then that Joohyun figured it out. She’s a smart businesswoman, after all. Seulgi, however, was still in the unknown. But if Joohyun wasn’t worried, she wouldn’t be either. It was no time to panic now, either. Nothing has happened, yet. Probably nothing will. She playfully slapped Joohyun’s thigh and shook her head. “Nope.”

And of course, that melodious giggle really stirs up something within Joohyun. This felt so good for the two of them, but once the guilt and the questions start seeping through, Seulgi is visibly uneasy. And Joohyun knows that their post-orgasmic bliss was over.

“But… now I wonder,” Seulgi started to muse as she stood up and stretched.

Joohyun braced herself.

“Go on?” She replied, still settled on the floor.

Seulgi sighed for a moment. She was really thinking of the way to word it, the way to properly express everything without sounding… strange. She wanted answers, not to anger her friend. But at the same time, she wanted that. She turned around to face Joohyun, hugging her own body almost as if cold. Suddenly, she looked concerned. “Did you… deliberately go after me online?”

Joohyun blinked for a few seconds in total silence before she shook her head. “You kind of came to me.”

“Yes, but like… did you not stop me because you--.”

“Knew it was you? Yes, I didn’t,” Joohyun was clear and concise with her answer, standing up as well now. “I just didn’t think it would go too far.”

“You didn’t think?” Seulgi was surprised. “For someone that always has everything meticulously planned, it’s surprising.”

Instead of taking it the wrong way, Joohyun smirked and chuckled. “Yeah, I kind of just let go of everything there.”

Seulgi nodded and walked over to her, leaning against the concrete next to her. “I wish you would let go more often.”

Now Joohyun frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re always so in control of your emotions, you don’t let go,” Seulgi let her arms fall down, slapping her thighs a bit in frustration. “Sure, that’s good sometimes. But when it comes to letting go, opening up to other people, you don’t.”

“That is true, but… a woman like me can’t afford to lose control that much.”

“And that’s what I dislike,” Seulgi looked at Joohyun, seeing her face fall. Their eyes connected fiercely by a natural power. “You talk as if you’re not just a human like us. As if you’re not allowed to tell me. You never told me you liked me.”

Joohyun breathed in deeply and shook her head. “Why would I?”

“Why would you?!” Seulgi raised her voice a bit, crossing her arms firmly now. “What do you mean, why would I?”

“Exactly that, why would I? You were very much infatuated with that boyfriend of yours that I just didn’t want to bother.”

“I-I mean, yes! But--. I was waiting for you to say something!”

“Say something like what?” Joohyun had her voice levelled, she didn’t look shaken up and upset. Once again, she was being the businesswoman.

“To say something like… to stop me!” Seulgi on other hand looked really upset. “To say that you loved me!”

“Why would I?”

“There you go again!” Seulgi threw her hands up and started to angrily pace away from Joohyun, making a distance before she spoke again. “You don’t even sound like you care.”

Now that truly hurt Joohyun. Her? Not caring? Out of all the people in the world to say that to, she choose to say that to Joohyun. Her best friend for ages. For a moment, it was like Seulgi didn’t even consider anything, and in turn Seulgi felt like Joohyun wasn’t expressing herself because what was the point? Old habits die hard.

Joohyun’s frown became more prominent. “Excuse me? Not care?”

“Yeah!”

Joohyun nodded and took a deep breath, she was starting to level her face and her voice again; about to walk away before Seulgi dashed over and grabbed her wrist. “Let go of me, Seulgi.”

“No,” Seulgi yanked her back to face her. “You’re gonna tell me what you think right now.”

Joohyun stared at Seulgi for a moment again, deep into her eyes. And while she saw anger, she also saw… something else. It coaxed Joohyun into speaking, into releasing her emotions. But it also made her violently yank her wrist away from Seulgi’s grip. “You want to hear what I have to say?” She started to walk forth

Seulgi’s eyes widened a little bit, walking backwards. Perhaps she made a mistake in saying that, and she just realized it. Or, maybe it was a necessary mistake. “I--.”

“Shut up. Listen, Seulgi.”

Joohyun has never raised her voice like that, she’s never looked as angry as she was at that moment. Seulgi was suddenly seeing a new face of her. It was the most uncomfortable moment, the feeling that her friend was suddenly replaced by the representation of anger and sadness. Betrayal.

“You think I don’t care?! I spent years and years behind you, supporting you, showing you my love. I been with you through thick and thin all the way through high school and college! We’ve guided each other through life, I was your shoulder to cry on--I thought you’d think of me with a bit more clarity and respect. But you only paid attention to the assholes that stood before you with a dummy smile and spent your time complaining to me about how they didn’t get you. While I was the one who genuinely understood you and who made sure you were okay on those tough days, she’s the one that doesn’t care, right?!”

“No, Joohyun--.”

“No, you said what you were going to say. Now you’re going to hear what I am going to say to you. You never showed me that you liked me at all! You never said anything. I never asked or said anything because I knew it right then. You act as if I’m the one to blame for this.”

Seulgi was mad too, but not in the devilishly upset manner. Instead, she was teary eyed, standing back a lot to make more space. “That’s what I fucking hate about you. You never take charge, but you’re a leader. You’re a hypocrite. If you really liked me that much, you should’ve put your pants on and do something.”

And then, silence befell the two of them, clouding over heavily and hanging like a bunch of dark gray clouds. Seulgi had never been so right. Joohyun was always one to sit back and let things flow at the mercy of everyone. When she was kicked down, she stood up and shrugged but never prevented it. When she was in her company, it was different; she never once let the people working under her down. But in her social life? Her love life?

She was taking charge of her destiny now, and maybe this was the place to start with the real change. She had made her plans, she really had, but somehow… she was so clumsy with her own destiny. She’s a leader, but she never led her own destiny. She let it lead her. This may have been a mistake, but this would be her last mistake of all.

She straightened her posture, still frowning and said. “Then, what is your decision?”

Seulgi was taken aback. “What?”

“What. Is. Your. Decision?”

Seulgi frowned and thought about it for a second. She remembered all those times Joohyun was for her… but she also remembered all the times Jimin had been with her in the absence of a very busy Joohyun. All the sweet dates Jimin had taken her to, all the sweet massages. The romanticism of the man with her, how happy her family is with her, the way people already root for them together. With Joohyun, should she get any of that? The woman had never taken charge, she’s never done anything for her own self except for others. She lets the situation control her emotions with the coldness of a tactician with no sense of humanity for those she commands on the battlefield. Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

She was… cold. She was cold sometimes, she behaved like that out of habit in her office. Maybe it was her illness that made her these way? There were so many questions pending, but Seulgi couldn’t rely on getting the answers. And right now, she was very much angry at this complicated woman.

With Jimin, she always knew what was happening. He spoke to her and told her everything, he was a dream boyfriend.

But Joohyun… Her mind came back to her, with or without anger. With Joohyun she lived a lot of her life and she did learn a lot from her. Was it love? Admiration? Adulation? Seulgi was confused, because at that moment she hated Joohyun for never speaking up and for her other flaws.

And she was loving the boldness of her husband to be.

Seulgi was blind.

Joohyun was starting to get fired up and upset again. “It’s your fucking choice, Seulgi. But my advice? You go forth with the wedding, then you will learn to regret it. And I told you many times before, but you never listened. You will start to listen soon enough.”

“Is that a threat?” Seulgi defiantly asked, crossing her arms as she stared at Joohyun.

“No, it’s a warning,” Joohyun replied sharply. This time, she didn’t hold back. “And I hope to god that warning doesn’t foreshadow anything. Because I truly do love you, Seulgi. But I can’t blindly follow behind you anymore.”

Seulgi didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to. She had made up her mind.

So did, Joohyun. She adjusted herself, and walked down the stairs to the party. When Joohyun was walking down that long hallway she felt something more than just a twinge of guilt. She felt the betrayal, she felt the anger within her, the coldness. Things never turn out the way we want them, Joohyun knew this fairly well. But now it was time to take life by the horns. She was certain in her previous decision. She took a deep breath and once she penetrated the condensed chilly air of the party, she smiled fresh and renewed, albeit hurt deep down inside.

Eventually, Seulgi followed after drying her tears, adjusting herself in the bathroom and finally coming out to greet everyone at the party. People had been wondering where she was, what she was doing all this time, and she made up an excuse of just wanting to look as presentable as possible but also staining her previous dress with food. Something typical of Seulgi, but not true. Meanwhile she was chatting with others, she felt the hotness of the kisses on her skin remind her of the dirty deed. Her sin.

The kisses of the fatal encounter, the burning sensation of her anger, both still so fresh on her mind and body. Joohyun acted like the professional woman she is. She didn’t look hurt, she didn’t look upset. She didn’t even look sick. While Seulgi was still a bit shaky after all of that choleric conversation.

Seulgi hated that. She hated it so much. Thinking back, she realized she had always hated it. Joohyun was a coward. She hid behind a stoic face and when arguments broke out she always felt so cold and heartless. Speaking to her, arguing with her, at times was futile. Hell, she never even told Seulgi about her illness when it happened! She had to find out through the servant and confirm it through her parents.

Joohyun would never tell what was wrong, never. Seulgi could never know her real intentions, and in a way Joohyun could never know Seulgi’s real intentions either. Miscommunication. Maybe due to fear. Maybe that was why Seulgi never fully approached, why she never came clean.

She had her flaws, and Seulgi hated that flaw. Jimin had his flaws, like he was sloppy and unorganized. But that was a flaw she could ignore, work around with!

Yes, she was sure of her decision.

Then, Joohyun grabbed a glass and got the attention to herself. Seulgi was surprised. And so, she listened to Joohyun. She listened well. She looked at her, so composed, holding the glass of champagne high and proud.

“Everyone,” she began sharply, silencing the room. “I will like to do a toast for our lovely friend Seulgi!”

The girls hollered and the girls nearby Seulgi began to pat her and hug her close. Seulgi smiled a little, but limited herself to watching and listening.

“Our lovely sunshine, our bear Seulgi. Finally, she found true love with a lovely guy. A guy who we know is a man of his word, loyal and truthful!”

Seulgi gulped. Something of the way she said it made her previous decision waver. Was she doing it on purpose?

“I’m so happy for my Seulgi to finally get married. So, a toast! For the lovely marriage that’s to come!”

And so everyone cheered. But Seulgi gulped, feeling her facade drop for a nanosecond as she saw Joohyun staring at her with a smile. But her smile meant nothing, her eyes spoke more. She raised her eyebrow in question and took a sip from her champagne before moving her gaze and attention elsewhere.

Suddenly, Seulgi wasn’t so sure.

***

And Seulgi was regretting it.

It’s been two days since the bachelorette party. Two days, and Seulgi felt her heart was the emptiest thing in her body. She should be excited, anxious, maybe nervous, but she felt… hollow.

Seulgi had been wrong all this time, letting her anger get the best of her. Joohyun wasn’t cold, sometimes she just didn’t explode because it wasn’t necessary. With her anger dissipated, Seulgi reminisced of the times Joohyun did express her feelings.

Joohyun never did express anything to anyone, but Seulgi. Her mother rarely got to know as much as Seulgi, and somehow Seulgi forgot all of that. She remembers the time where Joohyun was so sick during class, but she was standing strong to stay. Seulgi held the girl in her arms and asked her what was wrong. She admitted to being sick and almost fainted moments later. When Joohyun first broke up with a boyfriend on her own, she wanted to look composed to Seulgi, but when Seulgi prompted her to let go the girl spat out all her anger with the guy.

And most importantly, when Joohyun’s grandmother died she was the only one not crying at the funeral by the time Seulgi arrived. Mr. and Mrs. Kang gave their condolences to the family members and for a moment Joohyun hadn’t seen Seulgi, having her back turned to her. She was so calm, melancholic but composed. When Seulgi tapped her shoulder and the pale girl turned around, they connected gazes and Joohyun asked for a hug. The moment she got that warm and peaceful hug, Joohyun started to cry and let it all go.

She was careful, not cold. She only let the important information out to people who she trusted with her entire being.

Seulgi felt grateful that Joohyun trusted her.

The wedding was starting to really look like a mistake. And she was really ruminating about it now.

If there was something Seulgi deeply admired of Joohyun was that she never let emotions get in the way of her judgement and as much as she hates that quality sometimes (this DID stop her from doing a lot of things), she couldn’t entirely loathe it. Seulgi let emotions get in her way sometimes, she wasn’t very good with planning and things went haywire because of it. But at the same time, that’s what made Seulgi so endearing.

She felt things, she was emotional, she was human. That’s why she was an artist--her emotions thrived in a work environment that let them be free--, that’s why she was not a businesswoman like her best friend. Business required too much for Seulgi’s emotive heart. She had a lot of feelings and emotions, some of them caused by Joohyun, some others caused by the outside world. Joohyun was a human, too. But she was more careful than Seulgi.

Seulgi, slowly but surely, started to understand her again. And once again, Seulgi couldn’t deny how deeply in love she was. After all, she did write and produce a lot of romantic songs with Joohyun in mind. Joohyun, not Jimin. Though, no one had found out yet. Perhaps Joohyun had that thought cross her mind? Maybe not.

Seulgi was seriously considering her options by the time a phone call got to her. It was the group of diva friends from the bachelorette party and they were looking to meet again. Seulgi, being the sunshine that she is, made some time for them and went out with them.

The moment she got into her friend’s car, she felt so small and petite by comparison. All of these women were huge, voluptuous, dyed blond hair, long straight tresses that fell onto their breast. Some of the had plastic surgery, some others didn’t, and all of them looked like they were not worried about a thing. Sure, they were gorgeous and on many occasions Seulgi had admired their bodies before. But even when they were all in their bikinis at Seulgi’s pool, showing off their lovely skin, their supple breast, their toned figures… Seulgi couldn’t help but to feel nothing but admiration. No love, no sexual attraction, nothing.

She thought back to the times Joohyun was semi-bare before her. The times she shyly used a full body swimsuit and yet, Seulgi felt so attracted to it. That smooth snow white skin was not perfect, nor did it pretend to. Sometimes Seulgi could see the tiny scratches from Joohyun’s cat on her skin, sometimes it had a pimple here and there, the sweet lovely mole just somewhere around her armpit was so lovely and unique. One time Joohyun did show her stomach to Seulgi, and Seulgi felt nothing but need to bend down, kiss it all over, kiss the soft, lovely mass (her melted abs, as Seulgi playfully called them once), just make sure she felt as gorgeous as she was.

Seulgi was such a lover girl, and she’s wasted all her love with others.

“Oh, my, god!” One of the girls said, laughing discreetly and slapping Seulgi’s arm and bringing her out of the trance. “Isn’t that your co-worker, Seulgi?”

Seulgi shook her head to bring herself back into reality. And when she looked over she saw Roseanne. Such a long time they last saw each other! They worked together for a pop artist before, but under the table of course. Roseanne wrote the lyrics, Seulgi made the melody. The song was a hit across the nation, of course. Just… not the popstar. It was a shame such a good hit ended up in the hands of a popstar that was infinitely rude to both Seulgi and Roseanne. Seulgi never knew why Roseanne was a particular target on that guy’s mind. The woman hugging Roseanne so tightly was… familiar.

Back in college, there was this young woman from Thailand named Lalisa. It was clear to everyone on campus that the woman was gay. She didn’t hide it, her slightly boy-ish style put to shame many boys at school. Of course nothing was ever confirmed concisely, but everyone was under that consensus.

Now there was Lisa, hugging Roseanne tightly and pulling away to look at her like the woman was everything in her world. Roseanne smiled so shyly, looking away at how intense the gaze was. A feeling Seulgi shared when Joohyun first started to look at her like that. It was so romantic, so loving--.

“I can’t believe Roseanne is also a dyke.”

What?

Seulgi’s eyes widened a bit. Was she missing something? Why did her friend sound like she had such an animosity with Roseanne, who had done nothing but been sweet to everyone ever. She sounded like the popstar, but he was a lot less direct to the matter. Seulgi looked at her blonde friend who was still giggling. Seulgi suddenly felt in a world of aliens, she didn’t understand anything.

“She’s so pretty, why would she go for Lisa?”

“They both must be pretty sick in the head, you know.”

She wanted to barf, she felt overwhelmed, she felt… disgusting. She had Joohyun just two nights before, she made her sin and made her head and mind a turmoil. Would Seulgi’s own friends and family speak of her like this if she were to take the chance with Joohyun like she was considering it? Would Seulgi even have a family left? Friends?

What if nothing worked out with Joohyun? She would be left alone in the world to deal with the weight of the world’s hatred on her back.

Or worse, what if Joohyun passes away soon?

Seulgi shuddered at the thought and kept listening to her friends joke around and have a good time. And for once, Seulgi started to behave like Joohyun. Professional, smiling, faking it. Laughing along. That way no one would know that deep down inside she actually wanted to cry.

She was understanding Joohyun a lot more now. She did it to protect herself.

And soon, Seulgi wouldn’t have to hold back tears, because by the time they arrived to the coffee shop, they were all seated around the table, chatting it up without a care on the world, but when the T.V. started to play some shocking news, Seulgi’s friends quieted down. Seulgi had been sitting with her back to the T:V. to just look elsewhere. Often times the shows and music videos playing were all related to love and war, and she wanted to see nothing of that for the time being, so when one of Seulgi’s friend tapped her arm and told her to look back, she only saw Joohyun’s peaceful face on the T.V. as she walked out of the ATLAS building.

For once, Joohyun didn’t look like a firm business woman. She looked like she accomplished something, like she had never had any regrets in life. When Seulgi starts to listen with the now increased volume, she listens to a reporter but can’t quite make out the words.

She can read. And so she reads well.

‘ATLAS’ CEO and founder Bae Joohyun to retire from the company due to illness.’

Seulgi’s mouth is agape, as if she didn’t know. But she did know. She just didn’t think Joohyun would follow through with her insinuation of quitting. She wasn’t prepared for that. Not only quitting, but letting the news be put out like this. Seulgi thought Joohyun didn’t want anyone to know, to treat her like a sick woman.

“Oh my god, Seulgi. That’s Joohyun! Your friend, right?”

Friend? Well, Seulgi didn’t know anymore. And it broke her heart to think that was the truth.

But the blonde girl was stating the obvious. The girl who knows Joohyun, the giant with red lipstick, was surprised herself. She saw Joohyun looking her best at the party and she was one of the few friends sensible enough to look over at Seulgi and offer a supportive rub of her arm. They may not be in good terms, but the girl still holds respect for Joohyun. After all, she was successful, and Seulgi spoke highly of her.

“I didn’t know she was sick.”

“She doesn’t even look sick.”

Seulgi couldn’t swallow, couldn’t say anything. In the party, everyone saw her be completely fine, and so it was a shock to everyone involved. To Seulgi, it just cemented the idea in her head. It made her afraid, even more afraid.

‘The CEO released a statement this morning declaring her retirement from her company due to health issues, leaving the company in the hands of the co-owner, Do Kyungsoo. No information has been released as to her condition, but speculations say--.’

And Seulgi toned out, it hurt just like the first time. It was suddenly a lot more real, maybe she was just reminded of the tragedy to come. But when would it happen?

“Seulgi, sweetie? Are you okay?”

Seulgi teared up and shook her head. She was far from okay.

She was making a mistake, but she was so scared.

***

Interviews over here, letters over there. But no one was getting any answers.

Joohyun was, for once, staying at home and enjoying her time without the rush of going to work. She was looking at her backyard garden with a soft smile, watching the birds fly free, hearing the distant dog barking and lavishing on the freshness of the morning. The news were out there, people were ringing the door and the phone like no one’s business, but neither the servant nor Joohyun would dare to answer. However, her personal phone, which no one had the access to except close friends, wasn’t bombarded with calls yet. Just loving text messages here and there.

All Joohyun’s friends knew who she was and how she was. She wasn’t fond of the sobbing phone calls or just speaking on the phone. A text message full of thoughtful words or even a short message of support greatly pleased Joohyun and made her feel loved. It was just the kind of support she needed, especially after a pseudo break up like the one she went through. No one knew she was hurting inside somewhat, but she was also a bit lighter. The weight on her shoulder lifted, her fantasy realized. It didn’t spin out in the end like how she wanted it to be, and it hurt her, but the day was fresh and her time was short. She’d find happiness somewhere else, and maybe she would find someone ready to accomodate to her condition.

It had been only two days since the fatal affair, but it seemed like much longer to Joohyun. The day she returned from the party she didn’t feel like crying, she didn’t feel like shouting. She was just quiet, tired. However, when she saw her servant, she gave off a small smile and bid her good nights to him. With that, she went to bed and slept like she has never slept before.

The day later was full with arranging the last details for her retirement. And, truthfully, she didn’t expect a goodbye party in the office when she came in to grab her stuff. Everyone thanked her for her effort, for her hard work, for the stable jobs she’s given each and everyone of them, the opportunities she’s opened for them.

And of course, Jennie was the first one to hug Joohyun with tears in her eyes. They embraced like old friends, rather than business partners.

Jennie’s own head was in a turmoil on her own. She remembered when she was just a young troubled girl with no real friends and a neglectful family. When she met Joohyun in college, they became instant friends despite being a year or two younger. Without Joohyun, she would’ve never gotten the energy or determination to come up from the ashes of her past. As life would have it, when someone filled in the position of secretary for the CEO of an up-and-coming company, Joohyun was pleased to see it was Jennie, determined to right her wrongs and to not repeat her parents own mistakes. She couldn’t have gotten a better secretary.

Joohyun was more than a boss. She was a friend, she was a reliable person, like a parental figure that Jennie lacked. The times Joohyun comforted her when she was at her worst, the times they laughed together outside of work or even back in college were priceless moments that they would never forget. The stern discipline that served a good purpose later on was all thanks to Joohyun.

To think Joohyun could be gone at any moment, that she had been suffering so much, made Jennie’s heart clench in pain.

Slowly, Joohyun started to understand. Joohyun had internalized her own pain and not realized how it impacts people around her. But it was okay, even if she wasn’t prepared. She hugged her tight and patted Jennie’s back. There was still some time left, and she must make the most of it.

“Don’t cry,” Joohyun softly spoke to Jennie as the girl hopelessly sobbed. “I’m still here, don’t cry.”

Easier said than done. When they both pulled away, they looked at each other and Jennie smiled upon seeing Joohyun chuckle. Then, the party continued on.

But now, it was the day where Kang Seulgi found the news through the television and Joohyun was relaxing. Joohyun tried to push aside the thoughts of Seulgi’s broken heart, her disappointed face in realizing and downing the fact that Joohyun may perish soon. The reminder must’ve been tough to swallow. Does Seulgi regret her choice already? Perhaps.

But then her mind went for other matters, before she even started to think about Seulgi more than warranted. People will want many interviews, they will want everything they can get their hands on. Her thought went through to her male friends that she had to make by mere obligation and coincidence. Suddenly, all of them were looking to invite her out for coffee or ice cream. But only if her diet allowed it.

They were treating her like a sick girl already.

Joohyun expected the men to suddenly rise up to the occasion and try to get with her in the short span of time she has to live (well, supposedly). They know exactly why now it’s the perfect time. It hit Joohyun even before she announced anything. They would figure that Joohyun is desperate for a guy to be with her, so they jump to chance to get with her. When they get with her and she passes away, he’ll inherit some of her stuff and the money due to marriage or--if they truly believed she was THAT dumb--that she would sign over everything to their name by the time she passes. Free cash, a lot of power and possibly some sex with the most powerful and stunning CEO in all the region. A woman that has never been caught with a man once and was desired by many.

Pathetic, because they thought they were really clever. They just forgot one detail. Joohyun was superior in intellect for one, and two they had to figure out a way to catch Joohyun’s attention IF she didn’t catch on. Apparently, dick pics and cheesy one liners were the way to open the conversation and to close it with a block.

Tiresome, but satisfactory to reject ALL of them, thinking they’re special.

Sooner than later, the servant sat down next to Joohyun, handing over a glass of lemonade. “It seems that people think of you as a celebrity.”

Joohyun looks over with a sly smirk and takes the glass. “Thank you. Here I thought I was already a celebrity before.”

“Well, yes, you are more now,” the servant smiled, leaning back and sipping into his own lemonade. “The phone has been ringing non-stop, Ms. Bae.”

“I reckon,” Joohyun nodded, staring off at the distance for a while. “Interviews, right?”

“Yes, and prank calls.”

“I expected it,” Joohyun sipped into her drink and sighed. “Long time since I enjoyed a drink like this.”

The servant smiled proudly, his lemonades being his biggest pride.

There was a comfortable moment of silence before Joohyun smiled ever so slightly. She spoke softly. “Thank you, Heonwoo.”

And of course, the servant was a bit surprised. It’s been so long since he’s heard Joohyun call him like that, by his real name no less. Heonwoo chuckled softly. “Ah, what for? I’m doing my job.”

“No, I mean for everything,” Joohyun looked over at the old man with affection, reaching over and holding his hand. “You were always there for me. For a long time, too.”

“It has been a long time, has it been?”

“Yeah, you were there for my father, too.”

Heonwoo nodded with a fond smile as well. “Through high and low, and he was there for me too.”

Joohyun didn’t have to think back, the memories of Heonwoo being by her father’s side was always printed in her brain. She doesn’t remember a time where her father and Heonwoo didn’t spoke fondly of each other. They were always there for one another, through thick and thin.

Just like Seulgi was for Joohyun.

Then, it reminded her of something.

“Heonwoo,” Joohyun started and adjusted into her chair. “Why did you do it?” She looked over at him with a raised brow, her face calm as always.

The old man merely looked over at her with a smile and sipped his drink. He expected no less from a smart woman. Neither of them were fools. “Ah, I guess I’m getting too old for that kind of undercover job.”

And of course, they both laughed.

It took Heonwoo a little while, but he began with felt words, directly onto the matter. From the heart, to the heart.

“I’ve seen you grow, Joohyun,” he began. Joohyun noted the lack of formal speech here, as if he were speaking to an old friend. She was an old friend, but not to the extent of her father. It warmed her heart to think he thinks of her with the same respect. “I watched you go through everything in your life with a head high up and selflessness clenched tightly into your fist. You’re like a daughter to me. To see you so mad, so upset, so depressed… It truly hurt me to see you that way.”

Joohyun’s eyes were tearing up a bit. She didn’t really realize how her anguish had affected people, even if she wished to not let anyone know.

“But you are also stubborn. I knew it was not my place to pry, to instigate. However, I feel like you need to know the truth as much as I needed to. Seulgi is too clueless to realize, or you hid it too well. I may never know which one, but she needed a push to know. Just like you needed a push to move on,” he looks over at Joohyun, holding her hand tightly. “I want you to live the rest of your life, however long that might be, with no regrets. For me?”

Joohyun stood quiet for a while. Soon enough, she had to laugh real softly and wipe her tears away. “Ah, what do you think I should do?”

Heonwoo pats her hand and smiles. “Nothing you haven’t planned already. Go, live your farmer hobby. But all I wanted was for you to go with a clear view of how things went down.”

She can’t be ungrateful at the ever so attentive servant. She put the glass away, stood up and they both embraced into a tight hug. Heonwoo didn’t want her to go, but if she was going to live happy there then he would let her go like any parent lets their child go to pursue a better life on their own.

***

It had been so long, but the wedding was finally here.

Bae Joohyun sat on the pews of the church as she awaited her demise and liberation. The organ music filled her ears and dumbed down the chatter beside and around her. It had been a long wait for the judgement day, and it was finally here. Joohyun embraced it but was only waiting for something specific and wasn’t intending on waiting for the reception, nor driving there.

After all, today was the last day she’d spend here.

Joohyun was a distinguished guest, on Seulgi’s own words, and was popping to everyone’s eyes. Men wore the classic tuxedo, variations of it, colorful pastel combinations and all kinds of styles. Some looked modern, some looked classical and vintage. The ladies had all kinds of dresses; short, long, mid-height, extravagant, tender and simple. Joohyun was popping to the eyes because she was wearing a long sleeved turtleneck shirt, so cozy and chic along with her high waist dress pants and high heels. Her hair was gorgeously flowing like raven tentacles. Her makeup was minimal, her presence no less firm and elegant and the slightest hint of a bruise creeping out of the cover of her neck. She self-consciously adjusted it back up as much as she could. She didn’t want to alarm anyone, because the nature of her condition was not revealed and thus she preferred to keep the bruises hidden.

Many greeted her with warmth, old family friends of Seulgi gave her a loving hug, some stayed a little longer and others squeezed a little tighter--as if to say that they were sorry for her condition. They had good intentions and Joohyun appreciated they didn’t jump into huge speeches of how she is a fighter. She was normal, she felt normal most of the time. So, she didn’t have any complaints there.

She sat down next to her servant who smiled both sadly and fondly at her. He softly said it was okay and she could already feel energy to endure this event. She didn’t need to be here, but she had to at least see Seulgi one more time in her final decision.

Jimin was already at the altar waiting, the priest prepared and smiling. And so the crowd started to cheer when the doors opened. Joohyun didn’t dare to look behind her at all. Not yet. But that meant that she was looking at Jimin, proudly smiling and exuding that boy charm of his that had a lot of women on their knees for them--girls who, even in his youth, looked like toys to him. She stared at the priest and wondered if he knew of Seulgi’s sins. Sins that Joohyun herself shared. She wondered if he had sins of his own or if Jimin had confessed to his own carnal adventures to him.

It wasn’t part of her business. She wasn’t religious and didn’t need to ask for forgiveness.

Joohyun still didn’t dare to look at Seulgi, not in a wedding dress, not when she was looking so gorgeous, almost unobtainable. But the pale CEO--er, former CEO--had her within her fingertips, had her squirming and begging for more. That was one night, not counting all the times the woman must have been up at night thinking of her correspondence with Jadelyn. Seulgi belonged to Joohyun in a carnal way for the longest time. Even that wouldn’t stop Seulgi’s delusional mind.

That poor, naive bitch… that gorgeous, poor, naive bitch.

But then, what made Joohyun any better than Jimin? She was just as wicked as he was. Maybe, after all these years, she should not interfere.

Then, Seulgi walked down the aisle and finally entered Joohyun’s field of vision with a pace so slow and elegant it was almost ethereal. She looked so gorgeous, her petite body looking like the most graceful thing in the world, the veil covering her beauty--her clothes covering her true form, her powerful sensuality. And yet, she remained so gorgeous even with it.

The priest starting talking and yapping and Joohyun kept her gaze sharp at the situation. Did Seulgi look nervous? Joohyun couldn’t quite tell but she tuned out and stopped caring soon enough. She was no longer Seulgi’s lover or best friend even. They were just friends. Joohyun was just the friend who she left behind for the man she was marrying that night. At the end, friendships came and went. Joohyun knew that their friendship was done after that fight and she would have to accept it. And even if it somehow came back to its true form, then it would not be the same.

Beside her was Heonwoo, the servant who was looking fine and full of elegance. A heartthrob in his golden era, now a heartthrob in his old age. He looked a lot more relaxed than Joohyun, who seemed to hold a discreet frown over her eyebrows. He could understand Joohyun’s inner turmoil and her thought processes right about that second. With a pat to her hand, he smiled sadly at her again.

They had both assisted for closure, because they promised to, because it was their duty to pay their respects to the girl who’s been a friend for ages. But if it was up to him, they wouldn’t assist. Because as tough as Joohyun likes to think she is, even this would shatter her heart.

And he was right.

The priest was talking and talking, Joohyun’s frown was growing bigger and bigger but her stare was now at the back of the pews before them.

Heonwoo squeezed her hand a little tighter.

She was composing herself, keeping herself calm and collected as Jimin said the dreaded words. She squeezed Heonwoo’s hand now, feeling her almost dizzy with the anticipation of Seulgi’s voice saying the words. Saying them to Jimin, a man who has cheated on her countless of times. All of those times without proof. And even with proof, Seulgi would not say ‘No’ to him.

No, she would say…

“I do.”

Joohyun’s heart was prepared but it still hurt, she was clinging to the hand for dear life and everything happened in the blink of an eye since. In one blink, they were reciting their vows. Jimin sounded so confident and Seulgi was a bit shaky and obviously in tears; she must have been so happy to marry him and the situation made her cry like the cry-baby she is, people around Joohyun were also tearing up at the beautiful vows which Joohyun wasn’t paying attention to.

The vows were done in another blink, the rings slid into their fingers. Seulgi’s dainty finger looked so good with a ring, but she was shaking so nervously. What was it? Joohyun stopped caring after asking herself that question. She clung tighter. Another blink, the crowd was cheering at the chaste kiss of the happily married couple. The two of them smiled and held each other’s hand tightly. She was reaching a happiness that Joohyun would not reach. At least not now. Joohyun felt plagued with feelings she never felt before.

Jealousy, envy, cold anger. Maybe she’s felt them before, but not towards Seulgi.

When the married couple walked down the beautiful carpet, Seulgi waved at the crowd and soon enough connected gazes with her best friend. The pale Joohyun, somehow looking so serious and tired despite clapping. They both stared at each other for a second, and it seemed like everything slowed down. Joohyun mouthed nothing, Seulgi didn’t either. This time, their eyes communicated in vastly different languages.

The connection was not there. Seulgi moved on, and Joohyun was stuck behind.

And so, Joohyun was allowed to weep in silence in the concoction of cheering, whistling and clapping. Most people thought out of pride, to see Seulgi grow so happy, but Heonwoo himself felt his own tears tickling to get out. He knew, he was probably the only one who did know.

If this was just the ceremony, he couldn’t imagine how much composure Joohyun would lose if she went to the party. Thank god that was not on the plan.

Eventually, the couple got into their cars and the guest all hopped into their vehicles to follow the couple to their reception. The only people who lagged behind outside the church, embraced by the cold breeze, was Heonwoo and Joohyun. They both stood outside their perspective cars and waited for everyone to drive away, greeting old faces for the last time and embracing for a moment.

Finally, they were both alone. Joohyun leaned against her car with her arms crossed and breathing deeply. She had since calmed down a bit, her eyes puffy but overall composed and ‘okay.’

Well, as okay as she can be.

That night had been the hardest in Joohyun’s life and she was still hanging outside her vehicle to further calm down and make sure she could drive well and without risks.

Hopefully, there’s no traffic on the way back to her mansion… because there’s plenty of things to do before her flight the day later. Packing, calling, resting.

Essentially, the wedding was the last time Seulgi would see Joohyun. And while the verdict was absolutely clear to both Heonwoo and Joohyun, there was still the slim chance where Seulgi might have surprised everyone by deciding to say ‘No’ at the very last minute.

Such a dramatic turn of events, however, is only seen on movies.

In real life, there was hardly such a thing.

No harm done in fantasizing, though. Or at least, Joohyun thought so, eager to let her childish side come out after all these years, a side she hid well after becoming a CEO. However, there are some fantasies that are left untouched for a while, fantasies that are better to leave behind.

Fantasies like the one Seulgi had. After accomplishing her fantasy with her long standing lover, she still went to the man who cheated on her. Oh, but neither Seulgi nor Joohyun were saints. Joohyun needed to seriously cram that into her head. So, perhaps it was best to bury what had happened that night along with what was said. Joohyun chuckled. She never really thought this would’ve led into this climax. There was really nothing that could change this, is there?

Unless Seulgi really comes to regret it like Joohyun predicted.

Lots of things were said that night, and lots of predictions were told by Joohyun before. But that was the only thing Joohyun wished not to happen--even if she was mad when she first wished for it to happen.

Please, do not make it happen. Because at the end of the day, Joohyun wants Seulgi happy even if she really is bitter about everything at the moment. She wants Seulgi, but she also wants her happy.

Even if it’s with a man Joohyun despises.

Now, she probably was happy. Joohyun didn’t deny that. Or maybe not, but she hoped that she would be happy eventually.

As much as it hurt her.

Joohyun pondered uselessly for a while until Heonwoo walked up to her from his car.

“Ms. Bae,” he started softly and tenderly with his hands shoved into his pockets, his posture straight and looking absolutely healthy for a man of his age.

Joohyun looked up fast and suddenly smiled softly. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“It’s okay… I was wondering something.”

The pale woman’s interest was piqued, now there alone by the parking lot just outside of the church was an odd time to question or wonder anything. Most people would be afraid to leave, but not them. Either way, she waited patiently for him to put his words together, hearing the quietness of the night, the occasional sound of an engine roaring past them, or the sweet sound of a car driving carefully and without a hurry.

Finally, when Heonwoo got it, he snapped his fingers. “Okay. If Seulgi had said ‘No’ to the wedding, before or right now, what would you have done?” Heonwoo sounded genuinely curious about this.

Joohyun pondered a bit on her answer before she patted her car. “I think I would’ve suggested having her come with me. My plan was to move out there, yes or yes.”

“I see. You weren’t sure?”

“I was sure she’d say yes to the wedding,” Joohyun nodded. She couldn’t believe it, yet there she was all alone after the wedding. “So, I didn’t plan that far ahead.”

Heonwoo nodded, pressing his lips together into a thin line. It was a solemn nod of sympathy. He patted her arm and spoke softly again. “I’m so sorry, Joohyun.”

Joohyun deeply sighed before she sucked air sharply into her lungs. Her face of disappointment was there for just a second before the wall was brought back up and she was no longer vulnerable. What’s done is done. “Thank you, Heonwoo. You should go home now, it’s late,” she said as she began to open her car’s door.

The servant nodded, smiling sadly. “When will I see you again?”

Joohyun paused and looked at Heonwoo. Seulgi didn’t want to be with her, Seulgi doesn’t deserve a proper goodbye but Joohyun wishes the best.

But out of all people, Heonwoo does deserve a goodbye.

“I don’t know,” Joohyun sighs out before she walks over and opens her arms real wide.

Heonwoo then wasted no time to hug Joohyun tightly one last time. She held him tighter than ever and longer than before.

“Do me proud by being happy, Joohyun,” Heonwoo whispers to her and she nods. With that, he pats her back and pulls away to look at the woman who was almost like her child.

With a nod of goodbye, Joohyun hops into her car and starts the engine. She looks at the old man, her servant, one more time and waves behind the black tinted window. Somehow, he knows she’s waving. And so he waves back.

Then, Joohyun was on her merry way to her home.

The drive was quiet, the soft ambient music she puts on her car in the lowest volume setting, the aircon of the car turned off and yet it felt so cold, so chilling. This really was the last time she’d be around here, ever. As she drove through the familiar streets, she saw old stores that were replaced and renewed, old spots she liked to hang around in. She will certainly miss these, will they miss her? They most likely will.

How times change, how things turn out to happen. Maybe this was Joohyun’s destiny? This was her way to live. Maybe happiness wasn’t here after all. Maybe now she could indulge into her more artistic hobbies and find a new path to her life.

She was driving so peacefully and eventually made it real far from the church, driving past where the party was being held. Seulgi had just hopped out of the limo with her new husband and the guests were pouring into the ballroom. Seulgi turned around and saw the black sedan dash past them in that quick second. Was she not stopping here?

She knew it was Joohyun. But she decided to act like it wasn’t her at all and continued onto the party, drying her tears of mixed emotions. Both bad and good.

Joohyun, however, couldn’t act like Seulgi wasn’t there in that gorgeous dress.

Seulgi was on her mind now. Will Seulgi miss her? Joohyun knows she will miss Seulgi’s smile. That lovely giggle, she will certainly miss it. She will miss Seulgi’s quirks, her desperate need for pringles and banana milk. She will miss…

She will miss…

She will miss Seulgi. Just her, in general.

Joohyun gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Why wouldn’t Seulgi choose her? Will Seulgi actually not miss her? Was she really that blind?

Her frown was growing back again. Out of all the people in the world she wanted, she wanted Seulgi. The girl who wouldn’t want her back, and if she wanted her back she didn’t want her hard enough.

Not enough to choose from the obvious.

Joohyun couldn’t have Seulgi. Just like she couldn’t have Jessica, the girl Jimin stole away from her.

Just like she couldn’t have Seolhyun.

But out of all of them, Seulgi hurt the most.

“You fucking son of a BITCH!” She hit the steering wheel again and again as she shouted as hard as she could. “You goddamn prick! You fucking shit head, scum of the earth! You cock sucking FUCK! I hope you fucking die in a fucking crash or get brutally murdered, you fucking CUNT!”

And suddenly, she was calm again, panting ever so lightly, but calm. A lady that never swore just spat the most toxic venom, and now she was driving quietly and calmly.

Seulgi was blind, and if she was really that easy to manipulate then what good is she?

Soon enough, Joohyun made it to her home. Her anger was not too present anymore, closing her car’s door nicely and unlocking the front door with an steady grip and fluid motion.

Seulgi wasn’t worth it.

She opened the door, came in and closed the door behind her. She looked at her empty living room, the sound of loneliness and the symphony of silence ever so prominent.

Seulgi wasn’t worth it.

This living room. She won’t see this living room again and it was so surreal to think about it. She remembered the times she shared here with Seulgi, happily chatting about anything, playing card games in that stormy night where Seulgi found out of her condition. Her mind was still going for her, it wouldn’t stop.

Joohyun sighed and walked over slowly to the couches, still thinking, not resting. She dropped the keys onto the coffee table, kicked her heels off and plopped down onto the cozy couch.

Seulgi wasn’t worth it…

… Right?

“I still love her,” Joohyun admitted to herself out loud, her voice shaky. Joohyun was a strong woman, but even the strongest soldier had their weakness and flaws.

For Joohyun, her weakness was Seulgi. The realization of never seeing her again, never being able to be with her, that made her feel despair, anger, disappointment…

Joohyun isn’t worth fighting for...

She’s hurt.

And there, she broke into heart-wrenching sobs. Where no one would see her, where no one would hear her.

*** END OF PART I ***


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seulgi faces the consequences of her decision, for better or worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pray forgive me, I completely forgot I never did post the second chapter up. Currently working on part three reminded me of it. Here it is, hopefully the next one will follow shortly.

**【 **PHILIA**】**

  
  


Reality was the following:

Seulgi cried during the wedding. The emotions were overwhelming, and while her husband-to-be (or, well, _husband_) laughed and teased her, there was a deeper meaning to her tears.

She looked at Joohyun who didn’t even dare to look at her during the entire wedding. Not even a passing glance, not even a tender motherly smile. Seulgi was so scared of this wedding, what would happen later, what would become of her. In that moment as the priest talked it dawned on her a little earlier than Joohyun. This would mean the end of their friendship, the end of the endless possibilities, the end of her fantasies. But she was also angry. Really angry. Why was Joohyun so cold to her? Why wouldn’t she at least wave, smile at her direction? Why was she so… heartless? Couldn’t she understand that she didn’t have much of a choice?

Maybe Joohyun didn’t think of it. And that would be the very first time in Joohyun’s life that she’s thought selfishly rather than selflessly. But it hurt Seulgi.

Even then, before the wedding she was a nervous wreck and didn’t even bother to eat before getting dressed and painted. The nerves were natural, her mom said, but she didn’t feel at all normal. She was disgusted, tainted by sin but also overwhelmed with the truth of the matter. A creature pressured to choose between desire and convenience, a creature of whim that would incline naturally towards the pleasure no matter how dangerous or unattainable.

Choose Jimin, live a normal life without prejudice and with friends backing you up for the following years.

Choose Joohyun, watch her die and lose your friends and family.

The decision, to some, looked really clear. Maybe in the future the society they lived in would become more and more tolerant, but… by then Joohyun would be long dead. There was no way around it, uncertainty shrouded every corner and Seulgi foolishly decided to stick to the spotlight, where she knew there was light and no obstacles, but where she was static and stale, perhaps even unhappy for the sake of keeping the status quo. She was alive, well-fed and protected, but there was no substance in her life. If this were the wild life as we used to have it, Seulgi would be forced to take the exploration route. However, this was the modern life and things were changing.

Jimin couldn’t be all that bad, not as Joohyun claimed he was, right?

Wrong.

He started to show his true colors in the very wedding reception. He had been a swell guy all the time but when it came to the cutting cake part, Seulgi had decided to ease her nerves and playfully grab a bit of the icing and put it on the man’s face. It was nothing discriminatory or vulgar, just a bit of icing on his forehead and his nosebridge. He did not look particularly funny but Seulgi's giggle and huge happy face while doing it brought joy to everyone watching, so they laughed! He laughed along with the crowd until he leaned closer and whispered something harsh.

“Don’t make me go through that embarrassment in front of my family and friends, ever again.”

Seulgi, once again, had to understand Joohyun and her business woman-like smile.

_Joohyun…_

Why was she thinking of her still, on her wedding of all times? She didn’t just think of her in the carnal and animal way a lover would think, thirsty for touch, for the feeling of her lips. No, she thought of her with fondness for her smile, nostalgic for her laugh, yearning for her sweet words, in absolute need of comfort in her decision but this one was next to impossible. Inappropriate time to think of it, but she could not move past it. Alas, her brain was swinging from left to right without peace.

Joohyun had dashed past in her car and didn’t turn back before Seulgi walked into the reception. What was her deal? Was she not even going to the party? Maybe she was feeling sick? That made Seulgi’s stomach sink down, made her gulp. Now that Seulgi considered it, her servant wasn’t around either. What could’ve happened? She must’ve been feeling too tired and sick to deal with booze, loud music and Jimin’s friends being wild and flirting with all the female guest--married or otherwise. There was no time to search around as simultaneously she was the guest of honor and the host of the party. She couldn’t even give a phone call, because soon enough the party was coming to its end and the wedding cake was cut, the guests had their slice and it was all over. Everyone enjoyed a few more moments with the newlywed couple before the limousine came by in order to take them to their hotel, close to the airport where they then would take their plane to their destination.

The young wife now bid farewell to her mother, her father and her brother that had travelled all across the globe just to be there in such an important day. And of course, being the blockhead that he is, he (that is, her brother) asked about Joohyun in the most innocent way possible. He knew the news and truthfully was a bit worried, but he didn't think of the implication that it might worry Seulgi if he asked. She gulped and shook her head. It was only then when her brother understood something must have happened. He merely smiled with a bit of sadness and patted her back, wishing her good luck and a happy vacation with her new husband. Walking away, she looked back at her mother who was looking proud and waving enthusiastically, until she noticed Seulgi’s fright in her eyes. Her smiled dropped a little, but no one noticed. There was nothing that could be done.

She got into the limo and that was that. The ride was nerve racking, anxiety inducing, and Jimin didn’t seem to be at all tired after all the party. He was just so happy to have seen his friends in his wedding, and particularly happy to have a small group of young socialite men scowl at him during the wedding. You perhaps wonder what was Jimin's entertainment all night, right? Well, you see, that group of friend was his entertainment in a strange way. They looked so pissed!

You see, these people were Jimin’s competition. They all constantly fought a silent war for dominance and asserted themselves constantly as the Alpha males, stupidly enough. But when they said they would never get to Seulgi, Jimin took it as a challenge and an opportunity to prove himself. And to make matters more grotesque, he assured them that he would not only get to Seulgi but manage to get to Joohyun as well--the ultimate desirable woman for the group of alpha-idiots. With the first step of his plan accomplished, the group of guys were increasingly worrying now, because Jimin might just actually be able to get to Joohyun as well. Hell, maybe even get a threesome! How disgusting of him. But little did they know that while they were ruminating about the possibilities and plans to step up a few notches in the hierarchy, Bae Joohyun was a cold stoned woman who was leaving the city the very next day. But it didn’t mattered. Truth be told, that Joohyun was too much of a pain in the ass to conquer and he kind of hated her; there were plenty more attractive and forbidden woman to conquer in the wedding reception, far better than Joohyun herself.

Taking away Joohyun’s crushes was fun and all, but she would never break or become upset in front of him, she would never cry or whimper or beg for mercy. There was just no way he could get to that cold-hearted bitch. It stopped being fun after a while, when she continuously ignores him and everything that moves around him, and it would take time before others thought of it, too.

And poor oblivious Seulgi didn’t know of any of this. The kicker? Joohyun didn’t know outright, but she just knew something was _off_ about him. However, and perhaps in that aspect she was old fashioned, but why would she interfere in business that did not involve her? A friend could only warn, whether or not that warning was taken into consideration was out of her hands. Joohyun sat back and let Seulgi take the biggest punch in her life, figuratively, all by herself. The stubborn girl would not listen and a woman in love is a dangerous situation.

But truth be told, Joohyun was scared that it would turn into a literal punch.

Seulgi clung to his hand and wondered if she would feel as nervous with Joohyun. Maybe she would, but for entirely different reasons.

The moment they arrived at the hotel Seulgi was feeling even more nervous and maybe worse than before. Jimin performed his groom duties with enthusiasm, way too much vigor, and experience in his hand. It was such that the skills didn’t even help Seulgi at all and mattered not. Skill was never a defining factor of an experience, eagerness and comprehension was. He was way too eager, but not too comprehensive. Rough with touch, never faltering, he wished to dominate over this piece of flesh before him, but not to make love. He wasn’t having sex either, he was affirming his position as the man of the house, HER man. It was just for him, a masturbation of the mind, say, and not meant to be anything but that.

A nervous and anxious Seulgi with a vigorous and proud Jimin didn’t really make a good mix--or well, a mix. He was too excited, too energetic for a woman who needed a bit of tenderness and patience. Seulgi wasn’t that experienced either, so at one point she almost feel his frustration while she did her best. She felt humiliated and inadequate.

Joohyun wouldn’t have done it like that.

No, Joohyun didn’t do it that way, at all. The differences were many. Joohyun’s touch was delicate, almost calculated but in a very spontaneous and heart felt way. Her soft voice, always tender, asked and teased. It became wild but not quite savage, retaining some of the human reasoning and the sense which puts us apart from animals. It was a perfect balance between innate desire, instinct, versus control and slowness. Her smile was endearing, his was wicked and almost frightening. Her soft moans were angelical, his grunts were hellish.

Jimin lacked everything.

To spare you the more gruesome and unnecessary details, at least one of them had fun. That was Jimin.

Seulgi truly tried to enjoy it, but it was far too much for her. Still, he didn’t complain too much after Seulgi gave up trying to do something and was pleased with the results. After, they shared a drink of water and went to bed. After all, a long day awaited them! They had to go to the airport really early for their flight to Hawaii, then going to their hotel, settling at the hotel and blah blah.

Jimin was explaining the plans with undying excitement and Seulgi had to smile in order not to leave her grimace show. In the back of her mind a lot of things bothered her and none of them were in top priority but they kept swarming her brain and her thoughts. By the time the chipper Jimin fell asleep, Seulgi rested uneasy with her eyes peeled and glued to the ceiling.

Mistakes can happen, but this was the biggest fuck up of her life and she knew it.

She realized that when, in the middle of the night, he got up and went to the bridal purse, opening all the envelopes and counting all the cash with a wild gleam of excitement in his eyes. He was a lot more excited by the purse than he was by the wedding itself, or even more excited by it than he was by marrying Seulgi.

In his head, all this cash could be used to take all the girls he secretly flirted with on a date. The first woman in his mind was that beautiful blonde milf that was there with her husband, and yet her attention was solely on Jimin! Seulgi was too busy worrying about whatever when he’d slipped in with her to the bathroom and shared a fatal session of twenty minutes. The men he was trying to impress stayed outside and scoped the scene with jealous eyes, watching Seulgi smile here and there and mingle with people she hasn’t seen in a while. Naturally, when Jimin came out of the bathroom they were wondering what he had been doing, when a girl came out of the bathroom shortly after they were seething with rage.

She was a good fuck, but he also had the blue haired woman in mind, who spoke very fondly of her desires to give him a blow job, for however long he wanted it. Maybe she was a good suitor, too. This one was a maybe more than anything, perhaps she was all talk and she knew about those girls well! Plenty of the girls he has been with were all talk.

Or maybe the old trustworthy slut of a woman that was Seulgi’s friend. Park Bora, who recently had surgery and enhanced her tits. Then, with a decisive sigh, he knew his first option. Park Bora was the one and only to take.

Seulgi played dumb and acted as if she was asleep, turning around and sleeping face down. Worst part is that she played dumb, but she really was naive to the reality and she would soon be facing up to it.

In the darkness he could not see her tears.

  
  


***

Packed, ecstatic and ready, the newlywed couple had been in the airport for a while. Seulgi was nervously waiting and it was like she has never been in the airport before in her life. Like she’s never travelled. She has travelled and she’s very comfortable being in a plane! Just that she loathed this very plane. Just this one.

She sat there in the waiting chairs, watching the life move around her but feeling ironically lifeless. A woman with her attitude, with her furor, feeling lifeless? It was almost a joke told by the higher ups in heaven. The children that obediently sat next to her along with their parents were all smiles, swinging their tiny feet in the air as it dangled down on the high chair. They giggled, they played with their parents, they were so full of hope. Seulgi almost envied them. As energetic as they are, they hopped off the seat after being told by their parents that Seulgi was waiting for her husband to return and sit next to her. For this, they just started to play around.

The lady on Seulgi’s other side politely made conversation of random occurrences, and of course Seulgi did her best to engage in the small talk despite having her nerves betray her in her body language.

“Things are so crazy these days,” the brunette woman shook her head and patted Seulgi’s skinny hand with affection, similar to what a grandmother has with her grandchildren. The lady was certainly older than her, maybe hitting forties. “A lot of crazy news out there, you should be careful.”

Seulgi couldn’t help but to smile genuinely this time and nod. “I know, thank you. I’ve been a little out of the loop with the news, what do you mean?”

The lady chuckled a bit and stared at Seulgi. She had a lovely mole right beneath her nostril--the mole that Marilyn Monroe popularized so wildly--and her lips were so thin but soft looking, her eyes reading a slightly nervous Seulgi. She endearingly patted her hand again. “You’re going on your honeymoon, huh? I can see your legs shaking.”

Seulgi looked down and her legs were in fact quite shaky. She made the conscious effort to stop moving them when she was at the wedding, but she had completely forgotten the self control now. “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s quite alright, my dear. By news, I mean, aside from the scandal of the Orion Sodas--oh, how preposterous--I also mean the scandals of a famous musician outing herself as gay, can you believe such a thing?”

And of course, the slim girl had to swallow discreetly. She had so much to say, but she kept quiet because she remembered she was still in the country and not in her honeymoon.

“And let’s not talk about the ATLAS’ scandal. The CEO just up and quit her position and retired?”

Her heart clenched. “Ah, yes… I heard of that.”

“People are talking as always, they say that she quit because of a scandal she has under wraps and to avoid stock problems she quit. That’s just hearsay, naturally, but I’m almost inclined to believe it.”

Seulgi frowned. “She’s sick…”

“Oh, that’s what she’s saying, yes. That’s definitely what she’s saying. But she doesn’t look sick, and she didn’t even state what it was! There’s definitely something hidden. Maybe she’s gay, too, like that musician--maybe they’re lovers. Or maybe she just got tired of ATLAS which I find absurd.”

The lady wouldn’t stop talking, she really wouldn’t.

“I’m more inclined to believe she’s gay, too. She has never been seen with a guy! I mean, why else would she just retire? Or, certainly, maybe the government started to really rain it down--.”

And Seulgi tuned out, mostly out of rage. Also, out of pity. It’s strange how the world looks at you, how it talks about you, when the facts are right there for everyone to see. Joohyun is sick, possibly to die later this year or maybe the next year. But people are so adamant in conspiracy theories, but they are also the first people to change their social media’s profile picture to a picture of Joohyun, boasting their ATLAS’ electronic devices when she passes away.

Oh what a wonderful woman she was, a genius entrepreneur. She started the path to the future we will lavish on! Poor family, I pray for their safety and well being. Maybe this will be the time for them to search and find god, them being disgusting atheists! This is certainly the time for a prayer.

This is probably the thing Joohyun wanted to avoid, something she loathed, something that Seulgi herself loathed. That when Joohyun passes away, she’d become an event that people could use for clout, to boast how good they are, or even to subtly advertise and market their own stuff… When she passes away, it would be painful to look at the internet and the news, to hear the people.

_When… she passes away._

Seulgi really is scared, of everyone and everything. Oh, she wishes to talk to Joohyun and she has tried! But the woman hasn’t answered her, not even heard her voicemail she assumes, not even had her text messages reach. Seulgi is doomed to what she chooses, and she has to understand that her choices had been warned. Not just once, but several times. Foolish of Seulgi to think that the warnings--from Joohyun no less--would not mean something.

She politely smiled to the lady anyways and offered some snacks. The lady talked a shit ton, but Seulgi smiled and nodded with no problems. Finally, Jimin returned from the bathroom and sat right besides his new wife very casually and looking almost bored out his mind. It wasn’t until a very pretty lady sat right in front of them that he wrapped his arm around Seulgi and licked his lips, suddenly very lovey dovey. But so devoid of love at the same time.

During this, Seulgi was deep in thoughts, being yapped at constantly from one side and hollowly loved from another.

Where was the person who would listen to her? Where was the person who would proclaim their love for Seulgi deeply and loudly, but so discreetly show their affection with tiny touches in public?

Joohyun.

She really couldn’t leave her brain, no matter how much she tried to stop thinking about her. She was mentioned here and there, news about her popped up, people talked about her, and almost unconsciously she veered the conversation to Joohyun and people followed the conversation.

The lady finally shut up (not really) when she got a phone call from a friend, and Seulgi was woken up back to the world by a wet kiss to her cheek which made her jump and carefully pull away as a natural reaction. When she saw his frown, she realized she fucked up a little bit.

“W-What’s your problem?” Jimin asked, perhaps a bit rudely.

Seulgi frowned and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I’m just a bit distracted.”

“Well, what about?”

No… she couldn’t just tell him.

But… Jimin is her husband. Why would she hide it from him? She could try to tell him.

“I’m just thinking about Joohyun, that’s all?”

Jimin frowns a bit and crosses his arms now. “Why?”

Seulgi’s posture straightens up a bit and she looks at him. “What do you mean why?”

At that moment, he shrugs. “I’m asking why.”

“Joohyun’s sick, Jimin. I’m allowed to think about my friend, who is sick.”

She repeated it so many times to so many people, and yet people treated her with some sort of disdain. Just because there isn’t a concrete name, it doesn’t mean it is not real. It’s as real as the bruises on Joohyun’s body. This wasn’t something that she had to fix through some cough drops, some tea and meditating.

People didn’t seem to understand. She was either treated like a paralyzed person or treated so crudely as if she’s a compulsive liar looking to gain pity for the advertisement, publicity and the stocks. Joohyun was a smart and creative woman with her marketing, but not to this cruel extent.

“Said friend who didn’t assist to the reception at all,” Jimin shrugs again.

“She assisted to the wedding, maybe she felt sick and left home early?”

“Without saying goodbye?”

It’s a lot more complicated than what you think, Jimin. He would never really understand it.

“Joohyun’s… like that.”

“Pfft, some friend. She’s always been on my ass, and now she’s just not around in the most important day of your life.”

Seulgi felt her heart sting. There were reasons of course, but she couldn’t help but to share the thoughts.

“I’ve been here for you always, she’s just been complaining to you all the time. But she doesn’t even bother to hug you or anything. That kind of pisses me off,” he mumbled a bit, sighing.

Did Seulgi just taste a bit of manipulation in his tone? For once, Seulgi decided to be cold and stood her ground firmly and clearly. “Well, that’s none of your business, Jimin. She’s still my friend. End of the story.”

He acted a bit scandalized, his eyes widened. When he looked around, he saw the woman_ laughing_, covering her mouth and looking down on the floor. How preposterous, she shouldn’t be laughing, she should be _flirting_ with him, or jealous of Seulgi. She should be seductively uncrossing her legs to cross them again, to have him catch a glimpse of her clothed pussy--at his disposal any time for him to ravage. She should be showing off her bust. She shouldn’t be laughing! Damn it. Seulgi was making this all go wrong, she was ridiculing him again! The gorgeous woman should be anything but laughing.

In reality, she was laughing at the silly antics of the baby nearby who had said something quite adorably silly, and as a reflex she laughed and covered her mouth, looking down and away from the baby who had just skipped by.

Jimin huffed and groaned quietly. “I told you to stop embarrassing me.”

Seulgi was shocked, saddened and almost insulted, her mouth agape and wondering.

_What the fuck?_

Then, the announcer interrupted the situation. Their plane was almost ready for boarding and thus everyone should stand at the ready. Giving each other a cold glance, they both got ready to stand. Jimin wanted to flash a charming smile that was sure to make the woman quiver before him, but the lady had long stood up and gone away, not caring about the wicked world. He was pissed, grabbing his stuff and leaving Seulgi behind as he stomped away from her like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

Seulgi groaned, grabbed her stuff and started to walk on over to where her husband was going, soon enough a couple of people gathering and following behind her.

Until her phone let out a very distinctive ‘DING!’ to notify her of something.

She glanced at her phone quickly, saw the notification bar and noticed that her mother had sent her a farewell message. But Seulgi also noticed something, a notification from a few hours before that she didn’t hear nor read. Immediately she noticed that it was from Joohyun’s private instagram, where she seldom posted stuff and mostly used to surf around other’s profiles. It dawned on her a few seconds later. Joohyun posted something!

Nervously, Seulgi decides to check it, the big crowd surfing past her and her husband forgetting her behind for that moment. When the post loads, Seulgi’s face drops.

The picture was of Joohyun, taking a selfie in the airport, wearing a black turtleneck sweater that covered the bruises on her neck. She was smiling so peacefully, giving off a peace sign and the caption said:

“Goodbye, Seoul! I will miss you~ Time to start my life anew, in my dreamland.”

Seulgi wanted to cry.

***

The honeymoon is over.

It’s been over since they stepped onto the plane. Bestial desire was undermined by the two’s stubbornness. Or well, Seulgi’s former desire was undermined by constant worry, regret and sorrow. In addition to that, Seulgi was really meeting her husband for once.

Jimin wanted to be right all the time, Seulgi just wanted some peace. But of course, Jimin’s life depended on being right all the time it seemed. Something as simple as debating which one was healthier between cauliflower and broccoli turned into an argument when Jimin was so adamant about broccoli being the healthiest. Whether or not he was right, the problem was his passion turning into total rage when proven wrong. It was… a side of him, to say the least. A side Seulgi had never seen. Atmosphere turned unpleasant every time, to the point where Seulgi had to raise her hands up in surrender and let him have the last word as the apparent dominant man he is.

While some things were good and fine, like during the activities outside the hotel and all around the resort, when they sat down and tried to talk nothing worked. In the privacy of their hotel room it was like the two of them never liked each other in the first place, as if they were two strangers that recently got married out of convenience.

The beautiful sunny days somehow looked grim in the pictures they took, with Seulgi's smile being present but her eyes were begging for it to be over. The lively world outside their hotel was almost mocking her, reminding her that she perhaps should’ve chosen a better spouse or all around not marry.

What did marriage bring anyways?

Seulgi always had dreams of marrying, but never understood the implications. What was it with marriages that rained curses upon the couples that married? Sex got stale, arguments happened more often, stress overall happened, affairs…

Maybe marriage wasn’t Seulgi’s thing--No, it was. She was willing to make anything work because that’s the nature of relationships. But Jimin? He wasn’t accustomed to that lifestyle. He hadn’t even started to think how much things would have to change. That is, if Seulgi stops being so blind and naive.

The days were long at times, other times they were too short. Sometimes agonizing, sometimes easier to take. But everytime she remember Joohyun, time froze for a second and she felt hollowness like nothing she has ever felt before. If she has felt it, she was certain this reached a new level. Sorrow loomed over her and sucked on her happiness and was gone in a split second. Why was she feeling heartbroken? There was nothing there to begin with. It’s not like they broke up.

But then, she thinks about it. She lost a friend. Not only a lover, but a friend. That is painful enough. Soon enough, the woman might perish and she’s not even sure where to find her. She doesn’t know where she is and knowing how careful Joohyun is, she might have not told anyone about where she is going. At least no one that would spill the secret after being slipped a few wons. She knows Heonwoo won’t tell her never, Joohyun’s parents still slightly frighten Seulgi, but no one else would say anything. No one comes to min--Jennie.

Kim Jennie, her secretary and long time business partner. She might be able to know something, she might take pity of Seulgi and tell her. She knew the other options wouldn’t work either, but she could still try. Seulgi had a plan, was determined now.

So, Seulgi started to count the days until the honeymoon was (truly and literally) over.

  
  


***

Not only was the honeymoon over, but so was Seulgi’s love for Jimin.

A week later after they returned and settled in their new home, Jimin had gotten the brilliant idea of making sure the place was his by fucking in the living room, but not with Seulgi.

The slim, bear faced woman had gotten back from her studio and instantly saw Jimin plowing down on a woman on the wooden floor. It wasn’t until Seulgi slammed the door that they noticed, being so into each other and so full of lust that neither cared about the world. Jimin panicked instantly and the girl shamefully covered herself and got off and away from Jimin.

“I can explain!”

  
  


Seulgi looked at the girl and that face. She recognized the face. Take away the recent plastic surgery she had on her nose, minimize the boobs a little and she would be Park Bora exactly like she saw her last time. A long time friend of hers after Seulgi became a well known music producer. She was a socialite, married with a rich powerful man who was--at that precise moment--battling death in a hospital bedroom, all alone with no one to visit him but that wretched scoundrel fucking in her living room.

She’s the heir of his fortune, while his ex-wife and her children are getting dust. Seulgi knew the story well. He and his wife were once very happy, his two kids lavishing in the life with good parents and a generous salary, until Park Bora appeared with her charming smile, her ginormous breast (that now looked even bigger) and her eloquence. The man was mushy in her palm, kneeling before her and kissing her feet, fulfilling that long lost dream of being an ‘alpha male’ with a trophy wife and an alpha female all clutched within his fist. Foolish, all of them, competing for dominance. They forget to live life, being so busy trying to impress and inflate their ego. That man was someone Seulgi knew well and it was almost a surprise to see him fall for such a dirty old trick.

What a foolish man, Seulgi thought. And what’s worse, how foolish of her to think Jimin was at all faithful as well. Jimin was surrounded by those men. Each time Seulgi met one, they tried to hit on her or her friends--who were also taken--and what’s worse is that she’s now thinking about the times they all made a fool of her. Her own friends may have been fucking each and every one of those guys without question and they may have been fucking Jimin as well. No wonder it always looked like Jimin was at the top of the hierarchy, being respected by scum. He did all of her friends, without her realizing it, and to boot married her while she was completely oblivious.

Kang Seulgi, you were truly blind. You were made a fool.

Joohyun turned out to be_ right_.

Seulgi, with a cold anger never seen before in her, pointed to Bora and spoke quickly and with firmness. “You get the fuck out of here before I call your husband while he’s still alive to write you off his will--_MOVE IT_.”

The woman, frightened, grabbed her clothes, put on her dress and got out of there clutching shame and her lingerie against her chest.

The moment the door slammed closed, Jimin started to frantically explain things as if they made any sense. She came onto him, he couldn’t resist, he was just a man made of flesh and everyone makes mistakes, yadda yadda. If Seulgi hadn’t connected the dots so fast, she may have heard his whine story and wiped those crocodile tears. But the moment Seulgi stepped into that door, she became a whole new woman.

Seulgi was immobile, frowning, listening to him. She wanted to cry, she really wanted to. But she will never give the bastard the satisfaction of letting him see her cry and vulnerable. She will NOT let him see anything but cold anger. She was angry, and her anger was stronger than any tear that wanted to slip out.

Jimin at one point had gotten emotional and he was starting to tear up, cupping Seulgi’s cheeks and begging for forgiveness, that they will work it out because of his love for her. Seulgi gave off a small smile and caressed his arms.

She had forgiven him, but for an entirely different reason.

Kang Seulgi had thought of something. Something Jimin wasn’t even considering, blinded by his delirious lust for other women and his greed for status and power. She listened to him speak after that day, trying to slowly manipulate her into thinking that her friends were all sluts and that he was always the one getting away. She laughed along with him, but he didn’t realize she was laughing at him. He also started to badmouth his friends, started to become more ‘romantic.’

Until one day, he was caught again. Park Bora was, once again, lying naked on her property. This time on her king sized bed, all tied up and ready for kinky fun while Jimin got ready. Seulgi had walked in along with a guy and a phone on her hand, recording in HD the affair and watching how Jimin--out of fear--put on some boxers and climbed out the window, escaping from the big boulder of a man that was Park Bora’s boyfriend. The man followed him anyways, and Jimin left behind a woman who he had been whispering sweet promises to for over eight months.

_“Oh, sweetie. I don’t care. I will always protect you. Your boyfriend is not the man I am, I can get him out of the way in second. The old man is going to die and we’ll lavish on the riches of his will ourselves, escaping to neverland.”_

There she was, tied and lying completely naked, shouting at Seulgi profanities without end as Seulgi looked at her dead in the eyes, kept recording and even defiantly tilted her head. Her prince charming wasn’t coming back to save her. Her face was stone cold, serious, not at all frightened. When she got enough footage, she turned off the camera, walked over and whispered to Bora’s ear her final sentence.

“A certain someone in the hospital saw this recording, and many others I’ve sent him and his lawyer. Don’t you fuck with Kang Seulgi ever again.”

With that, she released the woman.

***

Jimin didn’t know, but Seulgi installed cameras all over the house, the patio, the basement, attic--everywhere. She knew she could not trust him to keep his word, and for her own wicked amusement she decided to keep him going for months. Turns out, he’s fucked with many girls whose boyfriends were tougher, bigger, more powerful and some good men Seulgi herself knew. Jimin was a sex maniac, addicted to the adrenaline of cheating and they were just victims of his sweet talk and his manipulation.

The recordings not only helped reveal the truth to those ambivalent to the reality, but it helped make the divorce process a little sweeter, packed with an extra punch of justice. Many of the girls Jimin fucked were now divorced and despised him because they were left penniless due to adultery. Jimin was now hated by the vast majority of his social circle, now reduced to nothing more than a punching bag to some of the more violent men. Not to mention, a laughing stock for many others.

To boot, his own reputation suffered and was fired from any place imaginable, after all the places he was usually hired in were high in reputation and connected to social media. What people wanted, they would bend over backwards to get it. Imagine if someone took a picture of the pathetic Jimin trying to sell people fine clothes, then one of the guys that comes in recognizes him and makes a fuzz out of it on the internet. His socialite life, his followers, either left or supported him blindly, but overall he was in his worst downfall without big money or big connections to boast himself.

Now, Seulgi was divorced from Jimin and her family came over to support her and congratulate her on her thinking and her ability to make justice. Her friends, her diva friends, mysteriously stopped talking to her--save for one or two of them who begged her not to show the videos to any of their boyfriends. Seulgi coldly replied to their request with a stoic face:

“Stop fucking around then. If I cared enough, I would do it.”

And then the girls never hung out with Seulgi nor defied her. Seulgi was the martyr, widely known as the girl who sought for justice and found it, despite it hurting her and a lot of people. People respected her, it had made her even more likeable.

Park Bora was the more sore thumb out of all, getting--perhaps--the crudest outcome of justice. She now had no boyfriend, no lover or no one to sympathize with her. Bora’s case was the most known amongst her friends and the vast social circle around all of them.

How would someone, so young and vibrant, be so cruel to a man in his deathbed? Especially to a friend who helped her in dire times? Hypocrites, because they have done the same, but Seulgi was satisfied with them taking her side, in order to keep looking good. The man signed her off his will and made peace with his ex-wife and family, giving all his assets, properties, income and other goodies back to them, as a sign of apology. And as a sign of gratitude and respect, the ex-wife had sent Seulgi some home baked cookies and her favorite lemon pie. Both as a gift of gratitude but also as a comforting gift for what turmoil she was going through.

To make matters worse, when Jimin moved back to his old apartment, the police knocked on Seulgi’s door. They asked for Jimin and Seulgi replied that he had just finished moving back to his old apartment. She gave them the address and bid them farewell.

The day later, he had been arrested.

Turns out that Jimin was caught with drugs at his home and stolen goodies. To boot, he was found involved in drug trades, prostitution and..._ something else_.

Seulgi was told and instantly she was sickened. She didn’t wish to know anything, she preferred to be oblivious, but she couldn’t stop imagining it.

She was so sickened that by the time she reached home after hearing the news, she closed the front door and started to weep. Weep for her shattered illusions, her pain, her anger and out of pure release. She was married to a monster, positively speaking. She was certain now, she saw it all clear, the fog dissipated and the colors were vibrant.

What’s worse? Joohyun was _right_.

She may have not known the extent of the news, but she certainly knew something was off with the guy. Really off. Seulgi had been a fool through and through, not listening to her own friend, her trustworthy companion of all her life, for some dick and some boy charm. Bae Joohyun didn’t make empty warnings or promises. Never. What she said, she accomplished. What she demanded, she got. Perhaps is her quiet endeavor that allows her to listen and observe to what others are trying to hide and do as they speak. Maybe she’s a neutral watcher in the flow of life, cautious where she steps and somehow always in the right place at the right time.

But now, Seulgi was done with that circus. She was hollow, depressed and her music took a darker turn. Her demos were used left and right by up and coming artists with darker images than mainstream popstars, it was almost as if Seulgi’s career took a turn in itself. Her lyrics were heart wrenching and to the soul, but even with all of that she did not feel any catharsis. She was lost, lost in life for the first time. When her biggest cathartic activity isn’t helping, she finds herself in a panic. Emotions bottled up that somehow were release and slid back into the bottle. She couldn’t get rid of them.

She had been so angry, so upset, so defeated, that she hadn’t been thinking at all.

It wasn’t until one afternoon, sitting in the very park where Joohyun warned her, she met someone interesting.

The gay stripper. It was surprising, considering the young man was wearing casual clothes that almost made him look absolutely adorable! You wouldn’t think of him as a stripper at all. A hoodie hid his well-sculpted muscles, a charming smile hid a mischievous and sexy grin and baggy jeans kept his, er, endowment concealed. It was strange, a dissonant image, but a welcomed one. He sweetly smiled and waved from a distance before he approached, sharing some mint he had along with him and sitting beside a slumped over Seulgi. His smile faded slowly once he noticed she wasn’t smiling as bright as she used to. He hasn’t seen her smile in a long time. Perhaps it was boldness and strong curiosity, or something within him telling him to speak, but he was clear and concise.

“Is there something wrong?” His voice was soft, deep and sympathetic, enough to yank Seulgi out of a lost trance, making her look up. Stammering now, he quickly added on. “I mean, y-you look a little sad. Is everything alright?”

For some reason, Seulgi almost found it to be a relief that he didn’t know her situation all that well. There was something about explaining it again and again that became exhausting over time. “I’m just… a little sad, you know. I think I made a mistake marrying Jimin.”

The man was taken aback by the sudden confession, but he nodded anyways. After all, he knew something she didn’t realize he knew. “I understand. Sometimes, life turns around in the strangest way.”

“You tell me about it… Hey, by the way, how have you been?” Seulgi asked out of curiosity, maybe to keep the topic away from her.

He suddenly smiled. “Ah, well. It’s been great, thank you. I finally moved in with my boyfriend and we just adopted a puppy!”

Seulgi was nodding without aim before she registered what he said, springing up with surprise. “What?”

“Yeah!”

“A boyfriend?” Seulgi made sure to lower her voice, as if she were confessing to a crime.

He looked a little surprised, amused and he soon laughed. “Yeah! I thought you knew, everyone found out I had a boyfriend after your bachelorette party.”

To Seulgi, this was mindblowing. How? When? Was she so busy thinking about Joohyun that she never noticed? Was she all that distracted?

“I--I’m sorry,” Seulgi gently bowed her head. “I didn’t know of that--.”

“It’s fine, really. At least, he and I didn’t have to hide after,” his smile was genuine, fond, almost… happy?

Seulgi perked up and looked around before she leaned into the guy, making him look at her in a weird way. “You… Everyone knows you’re gay?”

He nods rapidly, amused. “Yes, why?”

Seulgi looks around again and inches closer. “How… How did everybody react?”

He now looked interested, tilting his head and thinking briefly, keeping quiet, before he smiled fondly. “It was hard at first, some of my family members didn’t speak to me for a while. But, I gained a new family. My real friends stuck by my side, people I didn’t even know met me because of said friends and I gained more friends. My sister, my little sister, she still loves me and my pops took it well. My mom sent me to hell, and it hurts but… I have my family, they know who I am. They accept me. My boyfriend and I have never been happier.”

Seulgi listened carefully, and the genuine happiness and relief coming from his voice. Could it be that her fear was not as real? Truth is that everyone is different and some are unluckier than others. She knows this much, but… Seulgi knows a lot of people, a lot of his friends, too. Will she be accepted as well? Will she be loved?

Right now, she wasn’t loved but feared. At the moment, she felt the less loved in the world. No one mattered to her, except a select few that were too far away. And someone she needed dearly, she craved for, she coveted… No, she will get to her. She was no longer afraid, no longer afraid.

Seulgi was static, thinking, before the big boulder of a man looked around cautiously before she whispered close to Seulgi.

“Listen, you don’t know this. But that night at the Bachelorette party… I heard something on the rooftop.”

And Seulgi’s blood froze, her head instantly looking up. Her helpless look on her face was almost too sad to see, but the man raised his hands defensively and stopped her from anything.

“I’ve never said anything about it, never. I promise. I just… I knew that it would be a mistake. But, er, it sounded intense.”

Seulgi was now red, looking away from him and rubbing her neck.

“I know I shouldn’t butt in--.”

“No, no. It’s fine, keep going.”

“But… I think that kind of relationship is what you are looking for. Something wild, intense, but with someone you trust. I don’t know who that was with you, but you really seemed to have fun,” and he nervously chuckled, scratching his head. “I just… know it was a woman.”

“Oh, man,” Seulgi had to chuckle nervously as well. From afar, they both looked like a couple of youngins in love. That made her chuckle a little more naturally. “To think I was being slick.”

“One can always try, but something always slips past,” he nods. “God knows how much I tried to hide.”

“Yeah,” Seulgi sighed. “So… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you should pursue that relationship, Miss. Even if you think it’s forbidden, maybe it is a relationship that is worth fighting for, don’t you think?”

And in that moment, Seulgi finally knew what to do.

  
  


***

_I am gay._

Seulgi said it to herself and it all was making a lot of sense. She started to realize it all. Maybe she wasn’t gay all the way, she was bisexual technically speaking, but her blind love for Joohyun only made her question the notion if she was available for anyone or anything even. She just wanted Joohyun, that was the reality of the situation. She just wanted to be by her side, no matter for how long or how little time; she wanted to take care of her when her days were bad, when she was tired and unable to stand. Seulgi wanted to return the love and affection Joohyun so selflessly gave to her in the previous years. Affection that she took for granted at the time.

She almost had her, she tasted her and let the woman vulgarly taste her as well. They exchanged more than stories, more than secrets. They both discovered and explored their worlds together through the years and even without realizing so. But then she lost her chance because she was, positively, frightened and stupid. Can one blame Seulgi? No, we cannot and people may rightfully disagree in this opinion. Partially, Seulgi _is_ to blame for her misfortune, her eventual demise, at least to some extent. But the fear coming from the context and the world surrounding her is good enough reason for her to make that decision. She made a terrible decision for sure, but that does not deem her a dummy for the rest of her life. There is a lot more going in one's head in a second than what an author--so swift and precise with words--can try to explain. Fear is one of the biggest moving factors in humanity and its crippling powers still amaze the observant and the curious to this day. It is but a natural reaction to danger, a mechanism that can never be dumbed down or fully controlled. That's reality. One does not do something due to fear, or maybe they do _it_ due to _fear_. Seulgi was scared shitless, truth be told, but not anymore.

Now, after crying her eyes out for around an hour or so (maybe more, definitely not less), within the confinements of her new house she yelled at the top of her lungs the most liberating words for anyone under stress of uncertainty:

"I'm _fucking_ tired! I want to be _fucking_ happy with the woman I want. If I'm going to get hated and disowned, so fucking be it, _you cocksuckers_! I am going to be happy, whether you like it or not, you pieces of shit! I want to be happy and if I go to hell for it so be it! I'm going to hell for nothing anyways! If she's going to die after we start dating _SO FUCKING BE IT_!"

And after she finished screaming that and many more profanities that are too dirty to reproduce here, she felt a weight lifting off her shoulders the more she yelled and the more she subsequently calmed down. She had, in fact, thrown herself to the wolves, in the hands of God or whoever was up there watching over her, and let the world take its course how it should be. Seulgi, slowly but surely, realized a lot of things in that tantrum. The bear-faced artiste had weeped enough for things could very well be fixed. She could fix it, there was a big chance for it to succeed, but she would not know if she did not try it at least. And she’s also had enough of her fright. What has fear brought her? In more primitive occasions, it had brought her to safety. Now, in a situation so complex, so human? It pushed away the very thing she was wishing for. Happiness. Joohyun. It pushed both away--No, it pushed one away, because they were morphed together into one absolute being.

Perhaps not a healthy way to think about it, says the pseudo-psychologist or love gurus. But it was far healthier than succumbing to the feared depression. In reality Seulgi was determined and full with a vigorous force that made her fearless. Seulgi wants Joohyun, because that woman is her world, and perhaps she may not have her, but she will return home with her hands empty, her heart broken but her mind clear of the 'what if I had' scenarios.

After her private tantrum, Seulgi got up and grabbed her phone. The first number she dialed was Jennie's.

She was clear and concise with her words, her motives and her enthusiasm. Jennie heard a brand new Seulgi speaking to her at that moment, only dumbed down mildly by the phone's speaker. Despite wanting to help, Jennie was no longer aware of Joohyun's whereabouts. She was still the new CEO's secretary and even the CEO, Co-Owners, VPs, Managers, Staff and Janitors were unaware of her departure. Sure, they knew she was leaving the company and the business to the trusted hands of her friends, but they did not know the extent of her departure and her definite retirement. Joohyun's dream had always been that she would retire at the right moment, go off to live in a quiet, rural part with beautiful and natural vegetation. Perhaps that was still her dream?

Jennie wished Seulgi good luck and they both hung up the phone.

The next person Seulgi called was the Bae family directly, onto their home phone. They answered shortly after and Seulgi warmly greeted them. After the casual chatter was done, she got to the point and straight to business. She asked about Joohyun's whereabouts and even they did not know. This woman was sure a ghost in that manner of speaking, aside from her being pale enough to just be translucient.

They could not help the eager bear-faced woman but they did provide a glowing and vibrant phone number and an address, almost like a treasure to Seulgi.

Heonwoo, the servant.


End file.
